tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post5418967377830064875..comments2023-10-30T07:37:47.833-04:00Comments on whatiwonder: proving ourselvesgreengirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-778836335012051502011-08-23T07:52:25.513-04:002011-08-23T07:52:25.513-04:00Aisha,
Thank you so much. And you are correct - i...Aisha,<br />Thank you so much. And you are correct - it is work to listen to what he is really saying and to ignore the "but, you really ought to..." voice in my head.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-35820649980187629032011-08-22T21:59:29.615-04:002011-08-22T21:59:29.615-04:00I think this was a beautiful post - I could feel t...I think this was a beautiful post - I could feel the intimacy and care in your relationship. And isn't it a difficult test of your submissiveness to give him what he wants and not what you want him to want?<br /><br />I always think that's a huge challenge.<br /><br />Thanks for the thoughtful and thought-provoking post.<br /><br />aishaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-60271999277868323252011-08-22T13:40:27.913-04:002011-08-22T13:40:27.913-04:00Vesta,
I think you are absolutely right - the pres...Vesta,<br />I think you are absolutely right - the pressure, and the wrong kinds of expectations make us defensive and drive us apart, rather than the reverse. Yet, given time and space, those same expectations would be met easily as a matter of course. Thanks.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-91730236185361167792011-08-20T01:49:41.437-04:002011-08-20T01:49:41.437-04:00I read all sorts of 'relationship' stuff, ...I read all sorts of 'relationship' stuff, often completely unrelated to D/s and of course they encourage that people demonstrate their care and affection and love for one another in a great many ways, such as surprising one another, going on a date with one another, listening carefully to one another, being ready to have fun at bed time; being respectful and attentive to one another. I elected a few months ago to focus on that marriage advice sort of stuff and to let the chips of D/s fall where they may - that is, not to have expectations and not to pine when it didn't seem to be there. Taking away all D/s expectations from him somehow enabled him to be himself and in that way he returned to the style of relationship I much prefer quite naturally and in his own time. I won't say that I didn't have moments of huge hunger where I wondered if I might starve to death, but I got to where I wanted to go. I think if we feel pressure - men or women - it is that much harder to act naturally.Vestahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03677044322646962128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-40532472176859410392011-08-19T08:53:28.396-04:002011-08-19T08:53:28.396-04:00Serenity,
I think it's a tough line to walk - ...Serenity,<br />I think it's a tough line to walk - because i think we also have to be honest with ourselves and with them about how we feel. "If you were ________, you would__________", comes into my mind easily - but it's not right coming from either of us. On the other hand we each need to know what the other wants, needs, thinks we need, etc. <br /><br />Jz,<br />Thank you - i hope some of those provoked thoughts make it into words you can share. I like perspective.<br /><br />Poured out,<br />I think it's very easy in theory - in practice it seems to get all tangled up sometimes - at least for me. Thanks for commenting.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-515499477321246482011-08-18T19:01:08.790-04:002011-08-18T19:01:08.790-04:00I so get that. The tension between wanting to sho...I so get that. The tension between wanting to show Sir how much I want to do for him, give to him, submit to him and that desire leading to me.....well, leading. But, TTWD is easy, right?poured outhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16215042728468839790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-30593548232995499332011-08-18T16:47:26.745-04:002011-08-18T16:47:26.745-04:00Excellent.
And thought-provoking.Excellent.<br />And thought-provoking.Jzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00301793291285112859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-55304646515540070432011-08-18T15:23:51.608-04:002011-08-18T15:23:51.608-04:00We've tried lots of the little protocol sort o...We've tried lots of the little protocol sort of things. Most of these don't really do anything for my Husband either, but there are just a very few that have stuck. <br /><br />I do somewhat enjoy all the little things myself. They are a small way of showing respect and gives an old fashioned, traditional feel to the relationship. Like you I enjoy being pushed and these things can help give that feeling. <br /><br />This is a great post and I can clearly see that I have fallen into the "if you were dominant you would..." trap. Lots of times really. That's not what it should be about and I think I will try to monitor this in the future.Serenityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06885913777602699200noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-69464612448578388442011-08-18T12:49:19.041-04:002011-08-18T12:49:19.041-04:00Sara,
I did think a lot about that while i was wri...Sara,<br />I did think a lot about that while i was writing this - and also about how love makes us want to do things for another person, whether they expect or ask for it or not. <br /><br />I do have huge insecurities - maybe less so these days about the state of our marriage overall, but moreso about the D/s of it. Many of the the usual ways people reassure or demonstrate their commitment to each other fall flat with us - it just is, or isn't, who we are. We are starting to figure out what each of us does find reassuring and affirming. In short - what we each need. I think this has been one of the major benefits of ttwd for us in fact. <br /><br />We are all different - of course. And perhaps it would be useful for me to think more about just what you say - what i find reassuring, and what he does.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-36477751901338645072011-08-18T12:30:18.176-04:002011-08-18T12:30:18.176-04:00"Proving yourself can have negative connotaio..."Proving yourself can have negative connotaions, but don't we all sometimes need reassurance? Have insecurities? I know I do, and likley always will now and again. <br /><br />Your post also illustrates how varied we all in our needs and in what we do to make TTWD our own. <br /><br />Sarafindingsarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07352980311488921341noreply@blogger.com