tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post7835807764906176563..comments2023-10-30T07:37:47.833-04:00Comments on whatiwonder: playing games - one versiongreengirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-43081566924927057602010-12-08T07:52:50.584-05:002010-12-08T07:52:50.584-05:00Vesta,
I hadn't thought about that, but I thin...Vesta,<br />I hadn't thought about that, but I think you are exactly right. I only had two children, but while they were nursing, and even for a good while after, I had too much physical contact every day. And it was very needy contact. I do remember not wanting to be touched at all by my husband quite often, in any context. I think you are exactly right about getting over barriers. I have always believed that only i could make changes to my self, to overcome barriers like this. I am startign to believe that maybe it is something i can follow him through, rather than my way. <br /><br />It is interesting that at least three separate Doms do such a similar thing - how do they know??greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-55354807732196008872010-12-06T23:17:05.935-05:002010-12-06T23:17:05.935-05:00In my opinion, many women have some sort of an iss...In my opinion, many women have some sort of an issue about being touched somewhere. I had four babies who suckled away, sometimes bit, sometimes caused sore nipples and it made me a bit protective about my breasts. My husband does what your husband does almost exactly and I have learned to let go and cede control to him and by doing that, I have learned to enjoy the touch; even to look for and welcome even more than touch with regard to my breasts. <br /><br />Personally, I didn't see it as a control issue but rather a comfort issue - and if he had never insisted I would still be wrapped up in my discomfort. I think that is what a good dom does - gets a girl over her barriers.<br /><br />You're definitely ok overall!Vestahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03677044322646962128noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-4649779334976659202010-12-02T20:46:32.336-05:002010-12-02T20:46:32.336-05:00Thank you. Not out of line at all. It is funny -...Thank you. Not out of line at all. It is funny - I didn't expect this post to end up being about that - i really was, as i was writing it, really thinking it was about all kinds of other things. Maybe not though. Maybe this is something other people see better from the outside than i do from within.<br /> <br />Either way - maybe i have some work to do, but really - I'm ok overall.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-58322346851438505852010-12-02T08:14:21.135-05:002010-12-02T08:14:21.135-05:00GG - You know, I hesitate to say anything here - a...GG - You know, I hesitate to say anything here - afraid that I'll make your situation worse - and I mostly agree with the things turiya said. But you know, working with trauma survivors, especially sexual abuse survivors, is my thing.<br /><br />I think - emphasis on think - because I am not experienced in ttwd and survivor issues - but I think maybe one thing you could think about trying is just being ok with what you feel. He's going to keep doing what he's doing, and that's ok, but you don't have to try to change how you feel about it. You don't have to act on the feelings either. Just claim them, notice them, own them, and let them be. <br /><br />My best guess is that part of the problem may be related to the "get over it" messages you may be hearing - and that often triggers the need to hang onto the feelings for reasons that are way too complicated for a comment...<br /><br />E-mail me if you want to, ok? But either way - you are entitled to your feelings. They belong to you. They may be connected to the past, but you're feeling them in the present - and that's ok.<br /><br />hugs,<br /><br />aisha<br /><br />P.S. Hope I'm not out of line here - if I am, tell me, ok????Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-84298852834797077992010-12-01T20:10:43.343-05:002010-12-01T20:10:43.343-05:00turiya,
thank you - i know you have been dealing w...turiya,<br />thank you - i know you have been dealing with this in a much bigger way than i. I don't know why, although i have some guesses, but for me this one thing specifically is different than others. it is interesting to me that when i wrote this i was pretty sure the reasons had to do with pain or control or something like that - over the course of the day i am coming to think there may be more to it. I appreciate your advice.greengirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06897315716330033528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3865362691562112420.post-82448280037828304212010-12-01T18:29:38.124-05:002010-12-01T18:29:38.124-05:00In my own experience I've found that the resis...In my own experience I've found that the resistance to his touch and control has very much to do with a desire to resist the abuse as a child and being too small and weak to stop it. It's that part of your brain telling you "you don't have to accept it now... you can fight cause you're no longer small and weak". <br /><br />I mean intellectually you know it's not a bad thing and that you are with someone who loves you, but it takes a bit longer for your mind to heal and accept it all. And it certainly isn't going to happen over night. I think the first step though is knowing that it IS okay and that you're not in danger any longer. Until you get to that point it quite often can just feel like the abuse all over again.<br /><br />Of course coming to that realization is only the start... I mean it's been well over a year for me now since I've really started accepting his touch as "a good thing" intellectually and even now I still resist it. I get angry. I push him away. And he does the same as you're hubby... he makes me put my arms behind my head and just accept it while telling me how beautiful I am and that I'm safe with him and things of that nature.<br /><br />I will say, it does start to get easier after a while. I've gotten to a point where some of the time I'll automatically move my arms out of the way and let him touch. I don't "enjoy" it yet, but it's not as bad as it was. And there have been a few times I've actually wanted him to touch me. Still I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I should when he did, but it's slowly getting better.<br /><br />Just give it time... I think your hubby is going about it the right way and eventually you will get to a point to where it's not such a bad thing anymore... and maybe one day you'll even love having him touch you that way.<br /><br />*hugs*<br /><br />turiyaturiyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16188596447013823792noreply@blogger.com