It seems to be all over, and for some reason I've run across versions of it A LOT lately: slaves live to serve their master's desire, most importantly - forgoing their own to serve his/hers; they are different from "just subs" in that subs can say no, change the game midstream, in essence - arrange things to get just what they want out of it.
Makes a nice clear dichotomy indeed.
But i think life is much more analog than digital - more hues than black or white.
He has no interest in the term slave - i'm His, His toy, His girl, His wife, all HIS - that is His view. And i have to agree with him - because i do agree with him; I have always been his, it's just that now he is free to exercise that ownership. I also have to agree with him because I've agreed to do so. (See all the pretty circles this goes in)
No i can't say no - well i can - the phoenetics still work. But i certainly can't change the rules mid-stream and i can't just arrange it all to get what i want out of it (i.e., he's not doing it just to humor me - it took me long enough to be convinced of that).
And yes - i can say no, really - if this whole thing suddenly just didn't work - it would be serious, there would be long discussions, and meeting of minds, and regrets, etc - but we are first and foremost people who love and are devoted to each other - not "only if we can have it this way." We would find another way. Not a case of my changing the rules to the game on a whim though.
And really - it isn't a game. It is our life. We are serious, funny, irreverent, dedicated, imperfect, responsible, carefree, attached, adventurous ..... and all the other things people are in different proportions at different times. But we don't view life as a game, nor our relationship.
Add the biggest, prettiest circle of all is that often, in small things and in the big picture, he wants me to get what i want, wants me to be happy, wants me to be more....So i am. I am serving his desire, and when i don't, he fixes that, one way or another. It just so happens that in his case, his desire includes both of us.
I know this sounds very much a defense of our relationship against some imagined attack, or an attempt to fit into a mold somewhere....
Really - it's just that it struck me this time around: reading "the gospel of slave vs. sub" left me feeling much less of "shouldn't i be like that, i must be wrong?" and more that what i was reading didn't fit my experience of it. There just isn't enough nuance, enough color, to cover the humanity of it.