Friday, July 1, 2011

shades of color

It seems to be all over, and for some reason I've run across versions of it A LOT lately: slaves live to serve their master's desire, most importantly - forgoing their own to serve his/hers; they are different from "just subs" in that subs can say no, change the game midstream, in essence - arrange things to get just what they want out of it.

Makes a nice clear dichotomy indeed.

But i think life is much more analog than digital - more hues than black or white.

He has no interest in the term slave - i'm His, His toy, His girl, His wife, all HIS - that is His view.  And i have to agree with him - because i do agree with him; I have always been his, it's just that now he is free to exercise that ownership. I also have to agree with him because I've agreed to do so. (See all the pretty circles this goes in)

No i can't say no - well i can - the phoenetics still work. But i certainly can't change the rules mid-stream and i can't just arrange it all to get what i want out of it (i.e., he's not doing it just to humor me - it took me long enough to be convinced of that).

And yes - i can say no, really - if this whole thing suddenly just didn't work - it would be serious, there would be long discussions, and meeting of minds, and regrets, etc - but we are first and foremost people who love and are devoted to each other - not "only if we can have it this way." We would find another way. Not a case of my changing the rules to the game on a whim though.

And really - it isn't a game. It is our life. We are serious, funny, irreverent, dedicated, imperfect, responsible, carefree, attached, adventurous ..... and all the other things people are in different proportions at different times. But we don't view life as a game, nor our relationship.

Add the biggest, prettiest circle of all is that often, in small things and in the big picture, he wants me to get what i want, wants me to be happy, wants me to be more....So i am. I am serving his desire, and when i don't, he fixes that, one way or another. It just so happens that in his case, his desire includes both of us.

I know this sounds very much a defense of our relationship against some imagined attack, or an attempt to fit into a mold somewhere....

Really - it's just that it struck me this time around: reading "the gospel of slave vs. sub" left me feeling much less of "shouldn't i be like that, i must be wrong?" and more that what i was reading didn't fit my experience of it. There just isn't enough nuance, enough color, to cover the humanity of it. 


  1. I know different varieties of BDSM works for different couples. I am always glad to see two people working together to make their partner happy as well as get what they need out of the relationship.

    I am also glad that you and your dominant know that you love each other and that no matter the style of your relatonship you would still want to be together. That is what Master and I want. We love each other so much that should we choose not to live a BDSM style we'd always want to be together. (But I love being his slave so much and he loves being my Master so much that I can't ever imagine that happening!)

  2. Beautifully written and expressed.


    That's what I want. What you have. You know, with my own variations, no doubt, but the way you describe it here. Yes.


  3. Yes.

    (Wow! That's short for me, isn't it...)


  4. I think you expressed it brilliantly. and beautifully. Thank you, GG

  5. the thing about rivers is that no tow are the same but because the water flowing down the stream is always changing in reality even the same river is not the same very long.

    You don't need to defend anything and I doubt any serious reader thought you were.

  6. greengirl,

    Your last sentence sums things up quite nicely. Combining being a sub or slave with the many various roles in life makes the dynamic look so unique. Often it doesn't even resemble those list we sometimes feel we should be like.


  7. Sophia Anne,
    You're right, and I think it is fascinating to see all the different ways people make things work for themselves. I think that is a good point - that, ultimately, both people get what they need out of the relationship. That black and white, very strict definition must certainly be exactly right for some people. I think i used to see it and think i needed to fit there - and this time i realized i'm fitting much better somewhere else.

    thank you for the compliment. I do feel very fortunate in my life, and honestly, i never quite know what to do with that feeling.

    Indeed - although i think you've started a much deeper discussion about this area over on your pages. I've enjoyed it.

    thank you

    Sir J,
    hmm...I never thought about rivers as an analogy.... I think the trick must be to learn to appreciate the scenerey here and now but also to look forward to discovering what lies around the next bend as well.

    Absolutely. I learn some things very slowly, and this one was one of them.

  8. Never feel you have to defend your relationship. The only thing that counts is that it works for both of you.


  9. YES!

    'he wants me to get what i want, wants me to be happy, wants me to be more....So i am. I am serving his desire, and when i don't, he fixes that, one way or another. '

    yes yes yes!

    This struck a cord with me.. Can you tell?! ;-D

  10. FD,
    Thanks - I guess i didn't need to say that part.

    i'm glad - thanks