Saturday, May 21, 2016

To the rage...

There are things he likes and things he chooses less often.  He loves, loves his canes, and also the crop, and other implements; he chooses hand spanking less often.  He uses spanking to communicate and to accomplish an awful lot of different things as well: never punishment, but definitely discipline; attitude adjustments, mental health maintenance (his, but mostly mine); fun; foreplay; stress relief (his i think,  and mine); re-connection and reminders of our places; and often just because he loves my ass to be hot and red - i think he surprised himself with how much he loves that.  For me, it’s all good - he knows by now very well what i need, how to give me what i need, what he needs, what he can take.  The thing that stands in the way is time, time together just the two of us, time to give it the time it needs, time to explore it more, time/freedom to make the noise.  
It has been a long time since we’ve had that kind of time.  And it has been a time of change and transition and also really, really hard work in both of our lives, professionally and personally.  We have been able to connect maybe the bare minimum necessary to keep us and our dynamic above water, but barely. Last night we had time and he took it. He pushed me harder than he has in a long time.  He pushed beyond pain, and beyond anger and resistance.  
He started with his hand, which should have told me something.  Then he bound my limbs, which also should have told me something.  He moved onto the most wicked of his canes.  He made everything hurt, then he want back to the most painful places and doubled down. He pushed me straight into rage, blind, furious rage.  I know he stopped a few times to whisper good girls into my ear, to tell me this was indeed what he intended and what he knew i needed and what he needed.  That last part - that is the part that let me go on.  Funny how in the midst of irrational fury i could still process that piece. 
He brought me into the rage, kept me there just a bit, then brought me slowly back.  And he was dead right.  I did need it.  It is one part of us and part of what we need.  It’s part of the vocabulary of spanking for us.  

Friday, May 6, 2016

good intentions

So - he’s had an absolute shit week - was supposed to get home days ago and his trip keeps getting extended - and not for fun or nice reasons.  Hence the excerpts …….
Me: Does it help or make it worse for you to know that i am horny as hell and been having thoughts of the other night - or maybe tonight - worshiping you until you release, relax, breathe and fall into a deep sleep
Him: i think i probably will take some of my frustrations out on you this weekend … i need to control something … and i’m not able to control work right now
i love you .. 
I’ve been - well - besides horny beyond the point of distraction - i cannot concentrate at all, my pussy keeps twitching involuntarily - what was i saying —oh yea, i’ve also been feeling very submissive (any chance that’s related to the horniness?), very desirous of being in that space deeply, and very much wanting to be able to turn myself over to making his life easier - 
So the trick will be to keep that mindset through him actually being here in person.  Sometimes - sometimes that gets lost in translation; from what i want in my heart to what happens in the unpredictable, share him with the kids and work and fatigue, messiness of reality.  I have beautiful intentions - but there’s that whole road to hell thing.  So when he sends this  - from the actual airport - meaning he is actually on his way home, and if the stars align we might have 24 hours to ourselves - how is it that my overwhelming urge is to be a total smartass?   

I want you to pack bag of toys for us. 
Only request are the candles 

Otherwise I look forward to being creative with what I find

Good thing it's text and i have a filter between my brain and his ears.

yes sir