I had never discussed any of our dynamic or our kinks with anyone irl who i didn't already know was involved in this lifestyle, and even that has been very, very few people.
I obviously write about it freely enough - although not as explicitly or articulately as many people. And I chat with some people online, never in particularly explicit terms though.
Even talking with my husband - I sometimes (most often actually) find it hard (actually, very hard) to say the explicit words, to ask for things in anything but euphemisms.
I found myself talking recently with someone about our lifestyle/arrangement/dynamic/kinks. This person is someone who it is appropriate to talk about these things with. I was a little concerned about being censured or rebuked about it all, but I took the leap and i was reassured that wouldn't happen.
I found it impossible to say any of the words out loud though - masochist, spanking, caning, pain, control, submission, dominance, marking, bondage, rituals, service.... I tripped over all of these and more - in fact, i really wasn't able to say much out loud at all. I talked about us in such vague and general terms that i don't think i would have recognized us from my description.
She asked if it were shame holding me back and making it difficult. I immediately told her it was not shame - it felt like being self-conscious. I don't believe i am ashamed of what we do and how we are - i know i don't believe any of it is wrong. But what about it makes me self-conscious? Why is it so hard for me to use the language? Where does that feeling come from?