Staying Connected

He’s my husband - but even so, he’s gone some part of most weeks.  And frankly, I suck at staying connected.  I seem to be unable to shift to him when he calls - unable to step out of the reality i’m standing in and focus on being his.  It’s a little better with chat/IM, but he doesn’t always have the ability to do that.  He leaves tasks, and rules, and even a well worn t-shirt for me to wear to bed.  I wear his collar always.  That helps.  

I’m never not his - but i do let my focus shift to so many other things.  He doesn’t want me to be thinking all about him 24/7/365 - He likes that i love my job, he wants me to accept and work towards challenges, he wants me to focus on my children and family and friends and the whole great big world just like anyone.  But he wants me to be able to come to him when he wants me.  

This trip is 10 days and 6 time zones, and no chat.  He left me the tasks of two pictures a day - one of me that i think he will like, and one from the internet that i want him to see.  I’ve been sending them at night and he gets them when he wakes up in the morning.  It’s actually been working pretty well.  I’m thinking about what pictures to take, which ones to choose, what i want to think about and what i want to communicate to him with them - mostly that i’m fine (he wants me to be fine) and that i’m thinking about him and missing him - in general and in specific ways.  

Over the years, I’ve gotten better at shifting between ‘him home’ and ‘him gone’ mode - and he’s gotten better at recognizing when i can’t and helping me get there.  He’s also gotten better at shifting.  He compartmentalizes soooooo much better than i do, but he has to work at it sometimes also.  On the whole, this is just how we have always been - through more than 20 years together and more than 7 years M/s - so i don’t know how it will look or feel or work any other way.  In theory i would love to have him around all the time - but i would still need to divide me among all the parts of my world.  Maybe that is actually easier with him gone sometimes.  Maybe that part is easier for him too.