Monday, August 9, 2010

i wonder....

I wonder if he ever needs it too, needs to do things to me. I wonder this when it's been awhile and I really, really want/need to be bound, controlled, impacted, made to feel him, and, well..... used. It is of course tied into sexual tension, arousal and release, but the context is so much more really. I crave it to bring me back to myself, and remind me of who I am, and to stop the flying around mentally and physically.

Does it do anything at all like that for him? Or does it work in the converse for him? Or is it just that he likes things better when I'm more settled? Or is it just because he knows I want it?

Or is it purely sexual? He says he likes sex, a lot (that's a little joke between us - meant by him to indicate that I can't quite seem to fathom the meaning sex really holds for him). So maybe it is something purely sexual, maybe that is a lot to him???

I'm only wondering mind you. He (and others) have made it clear that the way things work for me aren't anything like how they work for him and that I really can't relate and shouldn't try to.

But I do wonder, or rather I should say, I hope it all does something for him. In the end, I don't like to think of myself as a needy, greedy girl - even when that's clearly the case.


  1. Even if it doesn't do a lot for him. Which I bet it does, after all he's male and from what I have heard they like to find their inner caveman.

    But even if it's not like that for him. I bet he enjoys it because he is doing it for the woman that he loves.

    Better yet just ask him to describe what it does for him. I asked Wil on Saturday night what he got out of it and he really went into depth about our relationship it was great!

    Good Luck,

  2. If he's done any of it at all my dear, for any sustained period of time, that which he does do, does do something for him. Certain.

    He may not need it as much as you do, but it probably works to settle him into himself as well. I know it does for me.

    It's sexual, yes, because he likes the electricity of man meshing with woman. It's high voltage "this thing we do".

    But it's primal too. It doesn't make him a man, by no means, but it brings out the man in him. No doubt he'll be searching for it eventually.

  3. I can just about promise you it gets him going just as much as it does you. He needs to show and exert his Dominance as much as you need him to. It is sexual, but just as with you, it is also mental and emotional. It is different, I'm sure, for a Dom than a sub, but the basic need for each other is still there.


  4. I wonder many of the same things you write about. I've talked about it with my Husband and he reassures me that he is happy with the changes. He, like BabyMan, described it as primal.

    I think men really need to be needed. So I'm trying to look at my being needy as not being such a bad thing.

  5. Needy and greedy is what I have found difficult to accept in myself as well lately. I've been told to speak up and ask for what I need. Sometimes that's easy and sometimes not, like recently.
    My husband says that he derives pleasure from being able to give me pleasure and what I need. Just sharin'.

  6. Janet,
    I kinda wish that would be the case. My husband does not like to do 'relationship discussions'. So asking wouldn't really get me there - it's an odd thing that I'm only starting to figure out.

    Thank you. I think it must do something for him - I have explained enough that I want him to do what he wants. It's just that I want to know also - you know? I am not very good at waiting - so this is probably a good thing for me to work on.

    I get so curious about the other side of things - and yet - i think i don't want to know also... I wonder how much my wanting to understand is really me wanting to predict and manipulate, etc... Lots to think about.

    I do go round and round with the neediness: should i hide it? should i supress it? just save it for when i think its's a good time for him to respond? When does that go from being patient to making the decisions?

    My husband has said the same thing - but i still try to protect him from me - i dunno?