Tuesday, August 31, 2010

fantasy - or at least - non-reality

This is an entire area that is not at all worked out in my head.  It's a tough subject for me to even approach mentally; and I haven't been able to do more than peek at the inner workings yet.  That means that this post is more a statement of a problem than anything else. 

Somehow throughout my life I managed to avoid having sexual fantasies.  I don't know if my brain is deficient or if something happened to supress this part of me.  I am only now beginning to start to fantasize, and I'm pretty sure i'm not doing it right (that part is a little joke.)

I do experience cravings though.  They are very unformed and nebulous, but they are strong.  When I have these desires, wants, cravings, itches - whatever they are, it puts me quite out of sorts and recently into a tailspin.  I have trouble putting aside the things I imagine must be what I want or need.  I become convinced that this or this or that will satisfy me and put me straight again. 

Now that our relationship includes D/s, the sexual and personal and even the more mundane aspects of our interactions are all interwoven.  This means that my ideas and cravings etc are all jumbled up.  My reaction to this had been to form ideas about how our relationship *needed* to look or function.  A lot of talking has helped.  My husband has also started to change some things he does, or asks me to do, actually.  This one is going to take us (me) some time to face and work out.  But what I'm learning is that his way works. It isn't what i thought i wanted him to do, but it works, and it's better than what i had imagined.


  1. GG, sometimes you write exactly what I'm thinking. How everything is jumbled together, sex, interactions and everyday life, all effect the others. A recent revelation for me as well. Fantasies? I've always had them, but they are so different now, and at times consume me. I think they are a driving force, glad you are there now. For me, the nature of them can begin with a simple interaction. How much is it this new dynamic and how much that I (and women of similar age) are having a sexual awakening? Beats me, but it's good!:-) I'm so glad that he's found something that works for you. There is satisfaction in that alone, right?

  2. First, I think you touched on the most important aspect of this whole situation...Talking. It is vitally important to be able to talk these things through with your partner. Whether it is wishes and desires of what you would like, or just being able to sort through them together. Open communication is the cornerstone of everything else. IMO anyway.

    Second, it's fabulous that he can offer you a way that works for you. Many times, things aren't as you thought, but you trust him, and can see that what he is doing is best for you. Not to mention it is better than you imagined. Having a great leader to guide you, even when you don't know what it is you need, and you being willing to follow that guidance, is priceless.

    Together you can climb mountains, even when you don't see the path directly in front of you.


  3. I've been there. Sometimes I'm still there. And like you I always find that Brandon's way is best for me, for him, and for our relationship.



  4. You can have some of my vivid imagination.
    I've got way more than one person can safely use...

  5. It always seems to work that way... and I'm like Jz... my fantasies tend to be a little beyond the realm of safe or sane, so they need to stay right in my little (ok, not so little) imagination where they belong.



  6. Elysia,
    Sometimes the interweaving of the parts makes me nuts, and sometimes i want more - go figure. Ansd yes - there is satisfaction - particularly in that he has helped me see that i can just slow down and wait and enjoy, at least for now.

    I think you are absolutely right. Every time i think I've hit the "as open and honest as I can be" point, I find I whole new level to tackle.

    It has been interesting to see how that happens, that he really does find a good answer for us.

    Jz and Turiya,
    If only...... I'm sure I should delve into why I am this way and how to fix it, but there is a huge something in my head keeping me away from the whole thing.