Plenty of things in my life are complicated; there are things i take very, very seriously; and i can take just about anything and overthink it into stupidly impossible complexity.
Some things though are very simple.
I miss my husband when we are apart.
I am needy - except when i'm not. Right now i am.
I am incredibly horny, and I need to be beaten, to be hurt, badly.
And, right or wrong, this is how and who I am, i can't possibly deny it.
And I am overwhelmed with whatever you call that feeling of wanting to submit, wanting to sit at his feet, to offer myself completely to him, to have him take in whatever way he likes, even it it's just to allow me to be.
Of course it isn't about me and my wants or Him jumping to accommodate whatever mood i happen to be in - this i know.
I also know that he likes me horny. He likes satisfying that need, and he likes tormenting me with that need.
He likes hurting me. And he likes tormenting me and manipulating me with that need also. And he gets just as frustrated when all the rest of life gets in the way of that aspect of us.
And he likes me submissive - he likes that very much - he would like me to be that more often.
Maybe i should work on keeping those things as uncomplicated as they are in my head right now....
if only it were always that easy, right?
ReplyDelete*sigh*
nilla
nilla,
DeleteExactly - i write it down hoping i will be able to recall this feeling, that reading it will help. We'll see.
I was going to say what Nilla did...that over thinking will get us every time. May your needs be met soon.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
abby,
Deletethank you - i'm home now and they were...it was very, very nice to be back in his arms.
'Maybe i should work on keeping those things as uncomplicated as they are in my head right now....'
ReplyDeleteyes. me too. and I have been. and probably always will be tbh..
mamacrow,
DeleteI know i learn, i'm better than i have been before - but i also don't think i will ever not need to keep working at it. thank you.
Your last line is the answer actually. Try keeping things as simple as possible. It always works for me, though I am on the other side of the D/s spectrum.
ReplyDeleteDavid,
DeleteThat would be a very good answer for me - and is something i work on - it isn't always as clear in my head. thank you.
Yeah... Easier said than done, I know...
DeleteNeediness can be so overwhelming for a sub... I hope you are coping ok. I know it can be hard. hugs :)
ReplyDeleteslavemala,
Deletethank you - it is calming down a bit.
Green-girl: That over-thinking-thing, eh?
ReplyDeleteI hope you've managed to find some space and time for feet sitting ;)
bleuame,
Deletelife is just crazy these days, but we are managing - i'm still getting myself in trouble overthinking though... thank you.
I've recently built up the courage to have an honest and frank conversation with my husband about just this. This overwhelming need and desire to be completely at his disposal. To submit 100% to his will and to train the stubborn own will out of myself. To my excitement and honest surprise He is willing and onboard to learn and train himself into the dominate I need and desire. I just want to say thank you for your blog and so many others; you're giving us both so many things to think about, learn from and have complete open and honest conversations.
ReplyDeleteAmber,
ReplyDeleteWelcome. It is enormously difficult that first step. I was so relieved and so thankful when my husband responded the way he did. I'm glad you and he are starting the journey together. I was helped in learning by so many blogs as well, I'm happy if I can be of any use to others. Best of luck on your way.