Things (by which i mean work and regular life stuff and especially kids) have been challenging of late, some in a deeply concerning, break your heart kind of way. Somehow though we've managed to be both more solid in our dynamic and working more as a team to face things.
I'm guessing that 'team' is a construct that doesn't necessarily seem a big part of M/s for some people. Notice all the qualifiers - i really don't know what other people think - but certainly team and teamwork aren't discussed a great deal that i've seen. There also isn't a great deal of discussion of how other couples manage the child rearing aspects of life - not the really tough stuff, the things that need the tough decisions and united front. Neither of us believes we have the right answers at our fingertips all the time, both of us believe that our children warrant careful consideration, and our combined effort, the utmost that each of us can do.
It creates an area where we aren't M and s in the same way as elsewhere. For some time it was an area of transition, a place of disconnect from the flow of the dynamic. Tough times with kids are tough all on their own, navigating the shifting dynamic of our relationship at the same time, withdrawing out of the concern for the child, both of us being unsure of the best course - make it all so much tougher.
I can't explain how, but it's getting better. Things flow more easily. He is making me feel more secure in who we are - who we always are - and that is letting me feel more able to shift around in the me i need to be at a given moment. To write it out, it sounds like role playing - changing character as the scenes change....It's quite the opposite. Maybe that's the point - I had been trying to change characters to fit the situation, which sometimes felt like us taking on roles, it felt disingenuous. I'm feeling more whole, and more wholly His.
And that is a lovely way to feel.
ReplyDeleteSmiling at this post - J. :-)
Thank you - sincerely.
Deleteoooh good, it's so much easier when you can get that click and feel that way no matter what the job/task at hand.
ReplyDeleteWe're very much a team. Teams are co-operative, teams work together, you don't have to be all equal on the holding and exercise of power front to be a team.
As for managing child rearing - well there's plenty of that here, but I tend not to talk about it unless something has got to a point where i simply HAVE to or burst... It seems slightly taboo almost, and I suppose I'm careful also about blogging about anything that's too identifying? Also, about talking about others without their consent, to a certain degree. Certainly there is plenty of grappling with these issues, I just tend not blog about it! (((Hugs)))
I absolutely get why no one discusses their kids in blog. I try to do so only in incredibly vague terms - and usually only when i feel overwhelmed and it is impacting Us - because it does - it is a big part of Us right now - and for a few more years. Somehow the team thing is different when it comes to the kids than with almost any other issue, like any other parents i guess - sometimes a zone defense, sometimes tag team, sometimes a relay....it is often more subtle and nuanced than Him making a decree and me following would work for.
DeleteI tend not to talk about our kid issues in the blog, just because it feels awkward to me. I don't want all their stuff out in the open like that. But yeah, all parents are dealing with that. Master gives me a lot of input but in the end all the big decisions are his, about the kids and everything. We are usually pretty close to the same page, having similar child rearing styles to each other from our own upbringings. In areas of conflict, Master's way wins out.
ReplyDeleteI probably should have stated that differently - i completely understand why people don't discuss kids on this kind of blog - even "mommy blogs" walk all over kids' rights not to have their lives published far and wide for all to see - it would be so very much more inappropriate here. I won't talk about my kids specifically, but sometimes their rearing is an overwhelming concern for Us. We are most often on the same page, but there's a lot of new territory sometimes too - and it is different than other areas for us. He considers my input in most things - certainly important things - but in the end he does decide. With the kids there is more collaboration and cooperation than other areas, it's subtle, but i'm more free to give my input, and make decisions and do what needs to be done when that is needed.
DeleteGreenGirl,
ReplyDeleteThere is something that makes my introvert self revolt at this whole "team" thing.
But call it what you well, we do work in tandem together--and it takes equal parts to make a successful M/s relationship.
We also work together and often have to be on the same page, as an united front for the business.
I think you have to be together to achieve balance-even if the balance is unequal--it's the moving yin/yang.
But feeling wholly his? Yes!! I'm happy you are feeling that way--despite what may be happening in your household--I think some of the best times are when you can hold steady and let the chaos swirl around you :)
Hmm - I'm also an introvert. But i don't feel that when it comes to Him. I like the image of yin and yang - both people have to have their part to play - and that balance does have to flow differently in different situations. Thanks.
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