Saturday, May 3, 2014


I waited, on the bed, in position - but with a small blanket over me.It's still in the 50's - including in our house.  

This is a tough one for me; there's no explicit rule for this one.  If he wants me to suffer just a little - he has me wait naked and very chilled and then tolerates no complaints or shivering.  If he wants me playful and ready and sweetly submissive - he lets me cover up while i wait - being very cold kills my arousal and takes all my energy for remaining civil - much less happy subbie.

He hadn't told me what he was looking for this time.   But it was a longer wait - so i pulled over a blanket.  

He snickered when he finally came up - and pulled off the blanket - but didn't chide me.

He put the collar on me - backwards - and i know what that often means.  Then onto the bench.  

He used only the crop - for a long time.  He let me accommodate to each level, keeping an intensity and cadence until i relaxed and absorbed.  But he switched and increased just enough to keep me from floating off.  Eventually he found an intensity i just couldn't manage, and he pushed until i broke down. He found the areas on my upper thighs, the sides of my hips....  

Then came the hook, the overload of sensations being pushed in.  He tied it to the collar ring just so, heavy and there, not quite really painful - but not enough room to un-tense my body either.  

Then the flogger, the one that is long and leather and heavy.  He can make it feel like a caress, or a sensuous stroke with just a hint of pain, or he can make it bruise and also sting like hell where the ends wrap around to the most sensitive parts of me.   That last part is what he went for this time.  

I was tensed and i was bawling.  It took all my effort to breath and to maintain position.  At one point he whispered in my ear that he loves this flogger - he loves the intense red and heat of my ass with it, that it makes him so hard... That helped me endure.  I wanted to endure.  

I remember being helped off the bench and onto the bed.  And then his fingers, then hand, then fist.  I have to work very, very hard to stay open to him for that.  It sounds backwards - fighting to relax - but that's what it is.  It is, for us, pure demand and taking on his part and pure giving and surrendering on my part.  

And it was all what i needed then.



  1. That sounds so very delicious! Lucky you!

  2. That's when Omega wouild say to mouse, it's good to suffer. :) Sometimes we don't see it that way at first.


    1. i am going to write about that - it was especially true this time - i did need to suffer for him - it was exactly what i needed.

  3. Sounds very intense..and i get the fighting to relax, i do the same thing, especially when He wants to show His claim with a fisting.
    hugs abby

    1. thanks abby - it does take a lot of effort, concentration and trust to allow that - which i suppose is the point.

  4. oh, i would say from a readers point of view it all turned out rather well, very well in fact lol

  5. What a perfectly intense connection! So many comments I have...where to start?

    I agree with you and mouse, sometimes I need the suffering and the release. Sometimes I just need him to take it all from me.

    As for the hook....we are in the process of finding the right one. Any suggestions?

    And my favorite part of the post, the fisting. For us, fisting was the first act of Dominance that brought us to our D/s lifestyle. I always think it was me who searched and brought this to us without his prompting. I am learning that HE actually started this all when insisted and I surrendered. Still to this day we are in the most beautiful D/s places when it happens! I even wrote a whole post on fisting =)

    Love blogland, where else can you write about an evening like yours and know others will see the beauty, love and release you both shared!?

    Sorry so lengthy. This was such a terrific post! XOXO Pearl

    1. pearl necklace,
      thank you. i absolutely needed the suffering this time. it is a part of our dynamic that is deepening and we are still learning and exploring - i wonder if we will ever really reach a final place with this aspect.

      As for a hook - oddly - the one thing i would say is that they look very intimidating but - at least for me - compared to plugs - it is easier to manage for how intimidating it looks (so maybe don't be afraid to get a bit larger/heavier one). That is interesting with the fisting, that he had that impulse before you thought about it more formally. It is absolutely a huge act of demand and surrender and a very, very effective realignment.

      Thank you for your kind words.