Guest Post: I take care of her

Sir J had some things to say on the topic of my last post.   He no longer has an active blog, but he offered this guest post and I gladly accept.  

I take care of her

July-29-14

3:36 PM

I am a Dominant and if that was the title of the book of me then the sub title would be I take care of her. I see no contradiction in these two statements at all in fact I often wonder about the Dominant that does not think this way. For me the very essence of being a Dominant is control, I want to control everything, me, her, us, others, the weather, traffic, work, literally everything. When I was younger and more arrogant than I am now I use to say with some regularity "if they would just let me run the world" and people would laugh, I was only sort of kidding.

Now I know better and would not take the job even if they did offer it. However I do run my world and for the most part I learned a long time ago the only think I can control is me.  I focus much of my energy on that now and I think it makes me a better Dominant and any number of people I know will roll their eyes and tell you it makes me a much better person, or at the very least less of an ass. The urge to control is always there though, just below the surface and never more so than with her.  My submissive.

Controlling her is a delicate balancing act akin to herding cats.  First there is the issue that she is smarter than I am, next the fact that she is a powerful professional at the height of her profession who makes dozens of decisions every day. Anything done that would take away all that she is and stop her from being all that she could be would be immoral and idiotic. Like many a top flight professional woman though she has moments of doubt and of being overwhelmed, she worries about being a good worker, a good Mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good daughter in law, a good submissive and many more.

What I can do is take care of her, I can be strong when she feels weak, I can make decisions for her when she feels overwhelmed. I can take her mind away from the so called real world and I can focus it on my world. A place where she can just be and feel and go where her senses take her, I can focus all that she is on a single event or series of events that culminate in an explosive orgasm and I can hold her while she falls asleep with out a care in the world. I can decide if and when she will cum, what she will wear or eat how much or how little in any and every circumstance.

She calls it being taken care of, I call it control. You might look at and think she has me wrapped around her little finger, you may wonder how on earth I could be the Dominant and she the submissive. You might come to believe my opening statement is crazy.  I know as she does that the only way I will stop looking after her is if she leaves and she knows as I do that she would only leave if I stopped looking after her.

I take care of her and I do it that makes me a Dominant and she is taken care of and she allows it that makes her a submissive. No contradiction at all.

Sir J

It is all about you for you and it is all about me for me.

The title is a quote from a person who was a mentor to me in this, someone who was comfortable or even adept with all my incessant and silly overthinking.  Because suddenly i'm off that plateau and back to fixated on twists and turns and ins and outs.

My husband does not love the overthinking, make-everything-way-too-complex aspect of me.  "Any hole, any time...." is his standard response when i try to ask him about the why's or wherefore's of it all for him. It's sort of his code for, "it's what I want, we've been through this before, come to me with real questions and concerns, not this."

And that's fair enough - or - it is what it is.  It is one of the things he takes as his prerogative, and he's right, early on we did talk about a lot of aspects of things - his feelings about them, mine, the why's and what is really right or wrong for us.  But now we are long into the point that i just have to trust him and not question, it's my work to do - as they say.

He's been in a mood to make me come recently, frequently and spectacularly - i know - poor me.....  And after - he points out, "You needed that."  And he's right; I relax, I sleep, I calm down, I snuggle and I'm more all around pleasant to him.

But, but - it's not supposed to be about me.  But i kinda like this lately.  But why aren't i more all around pleasant to him on my own.  But things are, as usual, busy and stressful, and, and, and....  But he's also just as busy and stressed.  And shouldn't i be finding ways to help him, make things easier for him, shouldn't i not be an extra burden to him.

And yes - i absolutely should work to make things easier for him.  Exactly what that would entail is only sometimes clear, but there are some things i know, certainly. Probably not asking him to join me in my otherthinking would be one of them.

But - to cut to the chase - i do still get stuck on not feeling right, or not accepting gracefully when he does for me - which - frankly - he does a lot - and not just spectacular orgasms.

One pervasive theme about submission or being submissive or a slave or whatever - is the innate desire to please - to do for others - and the need to live that.  And I don't always, every moment and with every fiber, feel like pleasing others, even Him.  That is maybe another post - because i do feel that desire in the theoretical or the general, but i seem to need to work on it much more in the specific and in practice.

And He clearly does feel compelled to take care of me, to see to my needs, to guide me and to lift me up. That is very important to him.  And I can accept that this is Dominance for him.  It is what is right for him and allows him to be who and what he really wants - and my part is to accept that and allow it and cooperate with it - even if it means being taken care, even if it means lots of orgasms.

voice

My family recently found itself travelling for a long weekend, in a big city, in a different part of the country.  And as fate would have it, it was near-ish to where Jz lives.  My family's plans were fairly fluid until pretty much the last minute, but Jz generously went with the flow and came to spend the afternoon with me. 

Nilla too lives near-ish - and I would have so enjoyed meeting her also - but - nilla - I'm really glad you are taking care of your self and that you are feeling better.  

As she mentioned, Jz and I have been friends since we both started blogging.  We both seem to have jumped into blogging at about the same time, although i remember contacting her very early on and being honored and relieved when she responded so openly and warmly.  I had been nervous because i was so new and she seemed, on the page, so all-together and wise.  That is her voice, the voice that comes through in her writing, sharp, intelligent, introspective, and entirely unique.  In chatting with her, I discovered pretty quickly that these are the person she is, not just the persona that comes through in her blog.  

We have exchanged a few pictures over the years, so i had an idea in my mind of what she looked like, her face at least -  and she may have mentioned on her blog that she is tall.  But I would have thought that, in meeting her, i would have been most curious about her appearance, to put a face and a physical presence with the person i knew only through writing.  I was surprised, as i waited at the train station for her, that it was her voice, her actual voice, that I was curious about.  

And she has a lovely voice. It fits her perfectly.  It is charming without being smarmy, strong and sincere, not at all saccharine but very sweet to listen to.   And we did talk - all afternoon.  It was as easy and comfortable as old friends - which of course, it was, just with the addition of the physical - and the audio.  

I'm so glad we got this chance to meet.  And the hugging  - i'm not a hugger either - but, it just happened, twice even i think.

static

I've been away a good bit - i had a long trip - part work, part fun - and that was very, very good.  I got caught up in a book - well - actually - a series.  Which is a dangerous thing for me.  I've cut myself off for a bit so i can re-join the world.  When i have some free time - or find some self-discipline - i'll go back and finish the series.

But - also - I usually live very much inside my head, constantly thinking, over-thinking, analyzing, jumping around 20 places at once mentally.....  Lately i find myself just doing and not second and third guessing and trying to figure it all out.  It's a disconcerting feeling for me.  Typically i would be worried about why i'm not worrying more, but i'm not.

I feel like we are with this D/s or M/s thing where we were after 5 or 6 years of marriage - which makes sense since it's been about 5 yrs of ttwd.  It is who we are - it is't going away.  It isn't all weak-at-the-knees excitement and honeymoon and it isn't the drastic highs and lows.  It is sometimes mundane, and sometimes immensely secure and comforting to fall back on.  I have stopped being afraid it is going to go away - like i think i eventually learned to accept very deeply that our marriage would survive - which allowed us both to be more honest and more vulnerable and  to take risks and deepen our bond, allowed us to consider intentionally changing it to what it is now.

I know that this mental detachment and odd plateau won't last - things will get harder, or easier, or higher, or lower, or more intense, or all of the above.  It needs attention and work - of the fun and probably also of the just plain work - kinds.  It is unlike our marriage (or how it had been) in that - i need to be pushed and challenged and also restrained and contained - and i think he needs to push and prod and stretch and exert himself - static isn't sustainable - ultimately it has to be dynamic.  It should be interesting when that hits.

a real sadist

I had 18 pages left, in a really good book.

He made me come to bed.

Just 18 pages left.