It is all about you for you and it is all about me for me.

The title is a quote from a person who was a mentor to me in this, someone who was comfortable or even adept with all my incessant and silly overthinking.  Because suddenly i'm off that plateau and back to fixated on twists and turns and ins and outs.

My husband does not love the overthinking, make-everything-way-too-complex aspect of me.  "Any hole, any time...." is his standard response when i try to ask him about the why's or wherefore's of it all for him. It's sort of his code for, "it's what I want, we've been through this before, come to me with real questions and concerns, not this."

And that's fair enough - or - it is what it is.  It is one of the things he takes as his prerogative, and he's right, early on we did talk about a lot of aspects of things - his feelings about them, mine, the why's and what is really right or wrong for us.  But now we are long into the point that i just have to trust him and not question, it's my work to do - as they say.

He's been in a mood to make me come recently, frequently and spectacularly - i know - poor me.....  And after - he points out, "You needed that."  And he's right; I relax, I sleep, I calm down, I snuggle and I'm more all around pleasant to him.

But, but - it's not supposed to be about me.  But i kinda like this lately.  But why aren't i more all around pleasant to him on my own.  But things are, as usual, busy and stressful, and, and, and....  But he's also just as busy and stressed.  And shouldn't i be finding ways to help him, make things easier for him, shouldn't i not be an extra burden to him.

And yes - i absolutely should work to make things easier for him.  Exactly what that would entail is only sometimes clear, but there are some things i know, certainly. Probably not asking him to join me in my otherthinking would be one of them.

But - to cut to the chase - i do still get stuck on not feeling right, or not accepting gracefully when he does for me - which - frankly - he does a lot - and not just spectacular orgasms.

One pervasive theme about submission or being submissive or a slave or whatever - is the innate desire to please - to do for others - and the need to live that.  And I don't always, every moment and with every fiber, feel like pleasing others, even Him.  That is maybe another post - because i do feel that desire in the theoretical or the general, but i seem to need to work on it much more in the specific and in practice.

And He clearly does feel compelled to take care of me, to see to my needs, to guide me and to lift me up. That is very important to him.  And I can accept that this is Dominance for him.  It is what is right for him and allows him to be who and what he really wants - and my part is to accept that and allow it and cooperate with it - even if it means being taken care, even if it means lots of orgasms.