Saturday, January 3, 2015

young love

Last night my younger son went to a friend's house to watch a movie with a group of friends.  Some pointed/explicit questions led to the admission that the girl he has gone out with several times/girl he texts all the time/girlfriend???  would also be there.  That led to a discussion about being up front with us/trust/etc.....  He loved it, i'm sure.

It also led me to wonder - not explicitly mind you - really only in general terms, because - this is my son - and, well - no explanation needed.  But i wondered how much has changed since i was 15 or 16.

I remember the constant chatter at school - who was doing what with whom, and the obvious, inevitable conclusion that the boys were heroes and the girls sluts for being their respective halves of the exact same activities.  The boys of course wanted to be with the sluts - but, god forbid - not date them.  It was a contradiction that, at the time, felt completely normal, natural; so much was so inherently different by gender that this was just one more piece of the natural order of things.

I remember the intense thrill of just holding hands, of just being near the object of your affection, of kissing for hours.  [I remember the intensity of what comes next, and next too, but not going there right now].  And i remember the absolutely overwhelming horniness - the enormous feeling of desire that i  had no good idea what to do with.

I remember the incredible awkwardness of being with my first boyfriend.  I remember trying, oh so subtly, to nudge him on to the next (very small) step, to let him know I would be open to him moving his hands just a bit further, off his own thigh and maybe onto mine, or my knee, or something.  And i remember being absolutely crushed when he finally figured it out and told me straight up that he didn't want to be with a slut.  That was of course the end of that relationship.  And it added one more piece to the increasingly confused picture of my own sexuality in my head.

So, i do imagine that boys are still heroes and girls are still sluts for the exact same exploits, but i do wonder if 30 years or so has brought any progress at all to the minefield of young love.

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