Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I should probably explain a little bit about myself and why I’m here; to me it’s a very strange thing, to anyone who may find their way here, it probably isn’t at all.

For the past many years of my marriage I had been not so interested in sex. I said no – an awfully lot. I knew that this was terribly unfair to my husband and I tried over the years to change, but couldn’t. Last spring I decided to try just not refusing at all, but I wasn’t completely able to do that. So I texted my husband (couldn’t do it out loud) and told him I wanted him to not allow me to refuse him – at all. The change was instantaneous, like someone flipped a switch. I’m sure a lot of people will shake their heads - of course, duh! But I had no idea what was going on.

So I went exploring and reading and researching. And we are trying to figure out what to make of all this and where to go with it. I’m still kind of shy to talk about the sex part – but we are both enjoying that exploration. It’s the potential changes to the rest of our relationship that I (we) are thinking about and considering. A lot of these posts are directed to my husband because he’s the one who really needs to know what I ‘m thinking. I’m pretty sure other people have wrestled with some of the same questions though, so I guess I hope that people will offer their insights when possible, and hopefully my understanding will evolve.


  1. I think you will be surprised as time goes by the number of people who find their way here.

  2. Sir J,
    So few or so many? I'm sure there's a cliche - time will tell, it is what it is, etc...
    Thanks for being the first.

  3. It's funny because Master and I had come together within the confines of this lifestyle, but when (after having a baby) I decided I couldn't be his slave anymore, I started doing the same as you. I kept refusing him sex. Granted a lot of it had to do with abuse issues and stuff, but the fact that he let me get away with it was making me resent him.

    Then suddenly when I resubmitted to him, things started changing dramatically. It was like our relationship was completely renewed.

    Seriously, if you ever have any questions or anything that you feel uncomfortable asking publicly, feel free to drop me an email. If I don't know the answer I can certainly try to help you find it.



  4. Spirited,
    Thank you. I have/had known a lot of the reasons behind my refusals and reluctance which make it so counterintuitive that letting someone else take that control would work. In this case I'm glad I went counter to my intuition. And you're right - this has renewed our entire relationship. I appreciate your offer, we have so much to learn.

  5. I no longer think it's a strange thing but I still have a lot of questions, that's for sure.

    Just remember, every relationship has it's own dynamic. There are no right or wrongs. It doesn't need a name or a whole lot of rules. If you are both happy and moving forward, that is all that counts.

  6. Thank you Jz, I do believe it is forward movement.

  7. So, I've found you all these years later! This is exactly how we started! I told Him "no" was no longer in my vocabulary regarding sex. It was instantaneous and magical. That and I surprised Him with some creative shopping to see what would spark His interest. We haven't looked back since and I've not said "no" in many years years!