Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Bad moods

I have been accused of overthinking a thing or two and I do have a habit of making things too complicated. This whole realm has been a jackpot of new ideas for me to sink my teeth into and chew on. We started with a few changes and those had a huge positive impact on our life. So more must be better, right?

I have no idea what you would call the structure we have at this point. It certainly doesn't seem to fall quite squarely into any of the models I've seen presented, but has components of many. A big part of the deal though is that I have to talk; specifically, I have to open up about what's bothering me rather than stomping around being pissy to one and all.

One of my husband's strengths is that he is able to leave work at work and switch gears to being with us without bringing the work stresses and anxieties home with him. So it doesn't happen often, but sometimes he does get moody, preoccupied, tense, closed off, and cranky. This typically leaves me feeling like I've done somethng wrong or not done something right so it puts me in a supremely bad mood as well. On one hand, I do think that people need a certain amount of time and space when they are overwhelmed. Feeling responsible to explain it and reassure someone else just takes up more time and mental energy. But how much time or space?

I never have never found the right answer to how to deal with this. Sometimes I just wait, sometimes I get pissy back. It usually helps if he can tell me it's work, it's not you. But, in my overanalyzing way, I've tried to look around to other models to see if there is some magic new way I should handle this. It looks like more than a few paradigms would suggest that I be more solicitious, offer myself more, find nice things to do for him... And I try the pieces of that which may work, others still demand some increased attention from him so aren't helpful. But it still leaves me wondering if it's me, and then second guessing everything I do, which leaves me with the same old piss and vinegar mood.

So I've tried something unconventional - I asked him, nicely, what was going on. And he told me. And here's the new and the best part, I believed him. So I can wait it out, do what I can to help, and not get all tangled up in my bad feelings.


  1. Good communication is the key to so many things, and I think it's great. I'm that way, I tend to over-analyze. I

    I think taking a step back and just asking a clear question can do more for me than just about anything.


  2. Mouse,
    Communication seems to be the key - but I sometimes get so hung up on trying to figure out what someone really means - instead fo takign them at face value - it tends to really screw up communication. That's getting better though. Thanks

  3. Yeah, that's been my lesson these last few months, to work on not over-analyzing. Don't look for the hidden message, just go by the words used. (This is tough for a critical theorist!)

    But I love how you stepped out of your box! You go, girl!

  4. Jz,
    Thanks, but what exactly did you mean by that!?!

  5. "I've tried something unconventional - I asked him, nicely, what was going on. And he told me. And here's the new and the best part, I believed him."

    That's all...