Friday, December 4, 2009


I've had a revelation - of course this is quite likely one of those things that everyone else has already come to, seen, conquered, and moved on. What can I say, I'm always late to the party. I recall there being some brouhaha about submissive women being high maintenance, or needy, or some such thing. I didn't pay a lot of attention at the time because - well - because I am so NOT high maintenance. Ask anybody.

Except that lately I find myself being a bit - needy. That's not the revelation, even though it is a completely unforseen and somewhat uncomfortable truth. It dawned on me today why I am at times so needy. I'm afraid of rejection. And this is a foreign sensation for me- at least in this arena. Now, lest you assume I am just bragging, let me explain. Until not so long ago I was not so often particularly interested in - to be blunt - in sex. I was most often the one doing the rejecting and certainly wasn't seeking it out, so I had no oppurtunity to be rejected. The fact that now my libido seems to be making up for lost time leaves me pretty much always agreeable, and then some. The issue is that I don't have practice in this feeling or what to do with it, particularly how to express this to my husband appropriately.

I find myself wanting physical contact and attention, pretty much all the time. It's not that I'm being neglected, but we do have to do things like feed the kids, walk the dog, go to work... I know that the answer to this is to suck it up, deal with it, get over it - take your pick. And I'm sure things will level off. In the mean time, he has some fun at my expense with this, and frankly, I'm glad he does. It's good for him that the power has shifted to his favor, and on a deeper level - that works for me too.


  1. greengirl, You remind me so much of myself. I was the one who always said no and then suddenly found myself in the position of being the needy one. I still feel needy at times for different things and it is hard to accept when he says no sometimes. And regular life is often in the way more fun activities. :)

  2. Damn these pesky libidos!
    It's actually not that surprising, tho', when you consider that, really, this is an entirely new relationship and those *always* make us want more, more, more!!!
    Just that you're in it with the same guy you've loved for years. - How cool is that?!?

  3. hmmm not needy? ... let me come back to that one. oh never mind.

    I would think the exploration of how to present it to your husband would be fun, perhaps after some thought you could come up with a chart or diagram.

    Seriously the trick I find with on going contact and life is to explore all the ways it can take place. Sure alone, one of one time, and physical contact is the ulitmate goal, but you can find much fun in a certain look, a casual touch, a special phrase, an unexpected note, a text, an early morning suggestion for the day, something worn just for the other, a quick and inappropriate phone call, mid day meeting for lunch or coffee or a walk. Connection covers such a huge area when you are open to the possibilites.

  4. That's exactly how I've been feeling lately. It's almost like I'm insatiable. I've got a handle on it now... just took a little time to deal with the new feelings and get used to them, but it still throws me off once in a while. I'm used to him being the one wanting sex all the time and me being the one to push him away. Not that he pushes me a way, like you said, but life doesn't always offer the opportunity.

    I think it's something that will balance out over time, though.


  5. gg - first, hun, you're NEVER late for your own party and revelations strike us at different points in our journey!

    second, how wonderful is that? and how lovely for your husband and Master!

    as spirited one says, it all balances eventually -

  6. Ally,
    It does absolutely amaze me that no has dissappeared - perhaps even when it should still be present - like when I should pay attention to those regular life things.

    I do at times feel downright bashful - like in the very beginning of a new relationship - and it is so amazingly cool.

    Sir J,
    I have just the Venn diagram all ready to go. I appreciate the suggestions - it's worth being reminded that there can be more depth and creativity to it.

    It catches me by surprise to find myself acting in ways that are so unlike me - clingy, annoying. Hopefully - now that i've recognized it - i can find a better way to deal with it.

    It is good for him - and just feels so much more right all the way around - for both of us.

  7. So it isn't just me that this happened to then. Perfect. HA!