This wondering I think doesn't really have an answer. Or maybe it has a number of truths, rather than just one. Mouse used an analogy in one post in which she compared her progress into her slavery to climbing a mountain. Her master guides and encourages and sometimes may even push a little for her to move onward and upward, but she still has to do the climbing herself. I loved this imagery. Really - no one else can do anything for us or make us do anything that doesn't come from within ourselves. Like the mountain guide, others can motivate, instruct, facilitate, demonstrate, act the sherpa, and even cheer-lead. But, the climber must climb.
So what I wonder is, "Why do people choose to climb mountains?" metaphorically speaking of course. Specifically in my case, or our case, what is the drive to want to take a marriage to the next level. Things were by no means headed for disaster, neither of us needed saving, we couldn't even say there were particularly rough patches recently. Of course it could be better, no one is perfect, nor is any dynamic between two imperfect people.
There is the question, "Why this way?" I think that has to do with the stars aligning to present the ideas at a time when we were ready for them. I also think some things about this way fit both of us fairly well, or at least intrigue us enough to give it a go.
But the more basic question is still: Why did we, and why do we still want take apart and re-assemble something that wasn't broken? Why put in effort to something that was ok to begin with? Why climb this particular mountain?
When asked, people claim to climb mountains, "Because they are there," or, "Because they can." That seems an over simplistic answer in this case. When I started pondering this, the answer that came to mind first was that I love my husband. But that's a fact, not a why. Part of it does indeed have to do with the fact that I want to make things better, more enjoyable, more fulfilling for him. Frankly - he has always treated me extremely well, in a lot of large and small ways, some to take care of me, some to push me. I think after I started all this - I realized that I didn't always act the same way towards him. Maybe part of it is selfish; there is no way to deny that the changes have made life more peaceful, that I haven't loved feeling more connected and close to him, and that a lot of the other perks aren't, well, just plain good. But these realizations and rewards didn't come till after we had started down the path.
I know that humans have a drive to accomplish, excel, do better, to move onward and upward. I wonder if this is an example of that; albeit a more complex example that involves not just two individuals, but the interaction of the two as well?