Saturday, January 30, 2010

Why do we, why do I?

This wondering I think doesn't really have an answer. Or maybe it has a number of truths, rather than just one. Mouse used an analogy in one post in which she compared her progress into her slavery to climbing a mountain. Her master guides and encourages and sometimes may even push a little for her to move onward and upward, but she still has to do the climbing herself. I loved this imagery. Really - no one else can do anything for us or make us do anything that doesn't come from within ourselves. Like the mountain guide, others can motivate, instruct, facilitate, demonstrate, act the sherpa, and even cheer-lead. But, the climber must climb.

So what I wonder is, "Why do people choose to climb mountains?" metaphorically speaking of course. Specifically in my case, or our case, what is the drive to want to take a marriage to the next level. Things were by no means headed for disaster, neither of us needed saving, we couldn't even say there were particularly rough patches recently. Of course it could be better, no one is perfect, nor is any dynamic between two imperfect people.

There is the question, "Why this way?" I think that has to do with the stars aligning to present the ideas at a time when we were ready for them. I also think some things about this way fit both of us fairly well, or at least intrigue us enough to give it a go.

But the more basic question is still: Why did we, and why do we still want take apart and re-assemble something that wasn't broken? Why put in effort to something that was ok to begin with? Why climb this particular mountain?

When asked, people claim to climb mountains, "Because they are there," or, "Because they can." That seems an over simplistic answer in this case. When I started pondering this, the answer that came to mind first was that I love my husband. But that's a fact, not a why. Part of it does indeed have to do with the fact that I want to make things better, more enjoyable, more fulfilling for him. Frankly - he has always treated me extremely well, in a lot of large and small ways, some to take care of me, some to push me. I think after I started all this - I realized that I didn't always act the same way towards him. Maybe part of it is selfish; there is no way to deny that the changes have made life more peaceful, that I haven't loved feeling more connected and close to him, and that a lot of the other perks aren't, well, just plain good. But these realizations and rewards didn't come till after we had started down the path.

I know that humans have a drive to accomplish, excel, do better, to move onward and upward. I wonder if this is an example of that; albeit a more complex example that involves not just two individuals, but the interaction of the two as well?


  1. I can't speak for how two people decide to climb together. But for me, I climbed the mountain because I needed to. Not because the mountain was there but because I had a sneaking feeling that happiness was up there, waiting for me.
    I needed to know.

    Of course, needing to know frequently gets me into a lot of trouble but I never regret it when that's the reason. :-)

  2. I think it's more than just humans trying to excel. I think it comes down to the fact that society as a whole has caused humans to step away from, alter, or deny their true natures. I'm not talking about dominance and submission. I mean there are people in this world who were say born to be entertainers. It's in their blood... they can barely think of anything else, but their families and society tell them that this is a field for the super elite... and well... they just don't fit the bill.

    So does that stop them from thinking about it? Constantly wondering "what if"? No... some of them spend their lives in regret for never having even tried. Others feel so compelled, though, that they jump out of the box and figure... "what the hell... the worst that can happen is I'll fail."

    I think we're kinda going through a similar thing. Society has taught us women should not be submissive and men must suppress their dominant natures because we must all be equal. Now while I can understand having equal rights in society, they've taken it a bit too far because we have stopped being true to our own natures.

    This impulse we feel to be submissive with our husbands is just us striving once again to be true to our nature so that we can feel fulfilled in our lives. At least that's how I see it. It's life seeking balance.


  3. " Why did we, and why do we still want take apart and re-assemble something that wasn't broken? Why put in effort to something that was ok to begin with? Why climb this particular mountain?"

    Sometimes it's not a question of fixing something not broken but enhancing something. Sometimes to make something better it must reassembled, which of course, involves taking it apart.

    Like I said with climbing a mountain, O was behind me, encouraging me to keep climbing. I had to do it, but once I saw the peak, I knew it was what I wanted. For now I'm content to stay here, look around and not look up just yet. When I'm ready for the next level I'm sure O will be right behind me, as always encouraging and guiding me.

    It's not always easy. I think it's all part of the journey.

    hugs to you on your own journey,

  4. staying with the metaphor and echoing what mouse has said I don't think it is about fixng anything. I think you get to a point on the mountian and look across the land below and think "wow what a beautiful view" then after a bit you look forward up the mountain and think to yourself "if the view is this GREAT I wonder what it is like just a little higher up" and thus the climb continues.

  5. Jz,
    That's a perfect reason. And that's a good deal of self understanding, not to mention a quest for more.

    I think i'm still at a point that I think of this (D/s specifically in this case) as one way to improve and enhance and grow, a way that so far seems to fit pretty well. I don't think I am at the point that I feel like this is us finding our long denied true natures. I never say never though, I have changed my mind on more things in the past year than I ever would have imagined.

    I think you must be right, and I'm not at all distressed about this, I just wonder at why something clicked now to make it start happening. And I bet that, maybe different way, but I bet you motivate O to move upward as well.

    Sir J,
    Hmm - that is a nice say of looking at it - no pun intended.

  6. I wonder if this is an example of that; albeit a more complex example that involves not just two individuals, but the interaction of the two as well?

    This spoke powerfully to me. To me.. all of this is the interaction between the two. Submission means nothing without dominant. Dominant means nothing without submission. These two define each other.

    To me, it's why this TTWD is so individual. Each couple makes it their own. What works for you, is not for me. What works for both of us is the willingness to explore, communicate and share without judgment.

  7. Doll,
    Welcome. A teacher once talked about relationships among people in statistical terms - there is the main effect of each person, and then there is the interaction effect, which often overshadows the individual effects. I think it applies to most any relationship - but certainly moreso to this deepest one.

  8. I have thought about this many times with no perfect answer. I only know that the drive inside me to do this well is feverish. All I can say for sure is that sometimes I do indeed stand at the top of the mountain and take in this divine landscape. It is the memory of such moments that has me climbing onwards still.

  9. Vesta,
    Good to see you back. I do feel the drive, actually I would say we both do, I wonder now if the mountain has a top - or just keeps going?