Thursday, May 20, 2010

do one thing every day that scares you

In the past week we have chosen a new town, a new neighborhood, new schools for our children, and a new house to be our home. All from scratch so to speak. A friend of mine sent me the above quote (from Eleanor Roosevelt) and pointed out that we are probably caught up, at least through next week.

This week has, however, left me absolutely no time to think about anything extraneous, our relationship included. I'm pretty sure this works just fine for my husband, he is much more in favor of doing than analyzing the doing.

For a long stretch (for me) our relationship has just been. This is unsettling for me. On some level, if I haven't deconstructed it, it hasn't really happened. This is overt in my blog and in my constantly wanting to talk about things. But it is also a running thing in my head, the blow by blow analysis as things happen. And I haven't had time for that even.

This morning I finally had a few minutes to ponder: We operated together pretty well. We made a lot of really big decisions, together, without strife. So much so that I asked my husband at one point if he were just capitulating to my opinion since I wasn't feeling like I needed to be fighting for it. It felt very different. He made decisions about how or what we would do, and a few times those did register because, well...because I thought we should do them differently. But - they registered, and my mind moved on.

Beyond the realization that it worked, better than ever in fact, came the realization that it worked in spite of the fact that I hadn't mentally examined, analyzed, and come to a conclusion about every last detail. So the conundrum: putting no thought into a realtionship means it can't grow or evolve and would likely stagnate or crumble eventually, just being may allow the individuals to thrive, but it doesn't really allow the entity created by the two together to be dynamic at all; on the other hand, thinking about a relationship is not the same as living one, analyzing is not the same as enjoying or experiencing, and sometimes quiet inside my head is nice.

6 comments:

  1. greengirl,

    Not sure but I think sometimes over-analyzing can let fears inside that normally would be dismissed. Also, moving and all that goes with it is huge. It's time consuming. There's lots of little details, given the fact that things are moving smoothly is wonderful.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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  2. LOL...just saw Sir J's comment and had to add...that's exactly what O would say.

    Hugs again,
    mouse

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  3. Let's hope all the changes in your life work out well. Good luck.

    FD

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  4. Sir J,
    I figured it would have something to do with that. An elusive thing to find sometimes.

    Mouse,
    I have found that to be true - the more I analyze and second guess - the more the horrible, bad, no good possibilities come to mind, never the happy, sunshiny ones - funny huh?

    FD,
    Thank you, i appreciate it.

    JZ,
    yup!

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