I wonder about a lot of things - hence the title of the blog.
I wonder sometimes what it feels like to be on the other side, not because I want to be there, I've been there- or at least, not here, and this way is better. But what must it feel like to be the one planning, deciding, setting the pace, giving or denying, teasing or fulfillling, trusting the other person only to go along (and enjoy)?
I know so intimately how it makes me feel to be, figuratively at least, on the bottom. I know what it does for me to be done to, to not decide or plan, just to comply, to know only that he will do what he will to me. I know the feeling of listening with my entire body for sensations that will come, but I know not what or where or how. I know the waiting and anticipating. I know the focusing on a sensation being created in one very central point, but I can't guide it or alter it or even encourage it, only experience it. And I know the trusting that it may hurt, but it wont harm me.
There are a few moments where I do get a taste (bad pun) of being on the other side. He gives that power over to me, quite gladly; and I, uncharacteristically, quite enjoy it. It may be terribly, terribly un-domly of him, but I'm sure he doesn't care. He guides, makes (not so subtle) suggestions, directs from above. But he still has to anticipate, receive, experience, and most importantly, trust that what I do will be pleasurable, and WON'T HURT HIM. [He's fairly adamant about that last bit.]
For my part, I love hearing his responses. I love the twitches and jumps as I first run my tounge around him. I love the catch in his breath as I find just the right spot. I love the way he stops exhaling altogether, only breathes in deeper and deeper as I oh so delicately pull his balls into my mouth. I love his moans as I find that spot just below. I love the stillness of his body as I bring him all into my mouth. And I especially love the sudden urgency as he decides he is finished letting me set the pace and he grabs and shoves and holds me right there.