Tuesday, October 5, 2010

a thing i should have learned in kindergarten

There is a thing I probably was taught in kindergarten, but which I forget all the time: to be thankful for what I do have instead of wishing for something else. 

In a story, in a perfect world, in the faerie tale, he would want to take just exactly the things I most want to give, my desire to please him would be matched at every turn by his desire to be pleased, his sexual needs and fantasies would align precisely in counterpoint to mine.  Having my needs fullfilled isn't supposed to be fullfilling unless it just so happens to be exactly what he needs also. And I keep falling into the trap of thinking that anything less than the faerie tale just isn't good enough or is doomed to failure.   Because - you know - we do live in the land of once upon a time and far, far away. 

Focusing on not having the faerie tale keeps me from experiencing what I do have, and what I do have is a lot to be thankful for. If I can settle down enough to accept that he may want to give me what I want or need, even if it isn't a perfect fit to his desires, maybe then I will truly be able to give him what he wants. 

It's a sad day when i start pulling my sources of wisdom from the Stones, but it is turning out to be so true - .....you can't always get what you want........... but if you try sometimes you get what you need


  1. Hey green girl,

    There's a lot of wisdom in those words. Its true that you can't always get what you want.

    But as you continue to move forward you find, almost despite your fears that your needs are being met, just not in the way you thought they should be.


  2. I agree. I don't think it's about getting what you want at all... it's all about the two of you getting what you need... and like mouse said, that isn't always what you want or expect it to be.



  3. The discussion about want v need takes me back to younger days when I would see a gorgeous dress or skirt and I would say to my then boyfriend, "I need it" and he would say "You want it, but you don't need it." I learned to live without the item, except occasionally, he went back and bought it for me!

    Fast forward to now and I am told I need certain things and then the process becomes for me to want something as much as it is thought I need to have it (that it is best for me).

    I am learning to live without things that I want. It can be done, of course. But, there are other things I need, like containment and I suffer if I don't get them.

    We all need to come to terms with what is and is not achievable, but I wouldn't prescribe to the notion that you need to give up on your dream of what you want (and may well need). Dreams really can come true.

  4. Mouse and Turiya,
    It really does seem to be the case. I wonder if a person can really give up thinking about what they think they need - and even moreso - i wonder if they really should.


    I do tell my kids all the time that "need" is a funny word. I have to really ponder that for myself though too. None of this is a true, physiological need. But I do, adn our relationship really does function much better with it all - so that's something. Need is a funny word - It does apply, and it doesn't. But i'm not giving up or walking away - and at this point I think he wouldn't really let me.