I have been struggling for about a week now to write about my how i understand our dynamic day to day, specifically how i feel about shifting my mental focus in many ways from me to him. I don't understand it all; i can't even wrap my head around it all enough to figure out how to write about it. But this weekend (ironically?) turned into an object lesson in going his way vs. my way.
My hope/plan for the weekend had been to spend time with the family, do a little yard work and the necessary housework, and have a good bit of time to work ahead at a number of things for my job. (well - and maybe figure out my thoughts about the meaning of life as pertains to our dynamic - maybe even write that down in a post). It involved lots of quiet, at home time.
My husband, on the other hand, had planned lots of engaging activities: things that got us out and involved in the local community, with our kids' friends, our friends, more community - on lots of levels, even extended family. It is not easy for me to meet new people or put myself into new groups or situations, so none of it was the type of thing i am easily comfortable doing. Also - it just wasn't what i had wanted to do. I know we need to do these things, and each activity we participated in was a good choice and a worthwhile activity. But my choice would have been different, I would have chosen to miss most of these opportunities.
It was hard for me to go along, and it has been stressful for me because of the things i didn't get to do, and because of the things i did need to do. But, I will have to think about it in depth another day: it is Sunday evening and i do need to do a few thigns for work this coming week before i can sleep. Also ironically - going his way means not having time to think about going his way.
Maybe that's the plan.....???