Sunday, October 31, 2010

day to day - or - being engaged

I have been struggling for about a week now to write about my how i understand our dynamic day to day, specifically how i feel about shifting my mental focus in many ways from me to him.  I don't understand it all; i can't even wrap my head around it all enough to figure out how to write about it.  But this weekend (ironically?) turned into an object lesson in going his way vs. my way. 

My hope/plan for the weekend had been to spend time with the family, do a little yard work and the necessary housework, and have a good bit of time to work ahead at a number of things for my job.  (well - and maybe figure out my thoughts about the meaning of life as pertains to our dynamic - maybe even write that down in a post).   It involved lots of quiet, at home time. 

My husband, on the other hand, had planned lots of engaging activities: things that got us out and involved in the local community, with our kids' friends, our friends, more community - on lots of levels, even extended family.  It is not easy for me to meet new people or put myself into new groups or situations, so none of it was the type of thing i am easily comfortable doing.  Also -  it just wasn't what i had wanted to do.  I know we need to do these things, and each activity we participated in was a good choice and a worthwhile activity.  But my choice would have been different, I would have chosen to miss most of these opportunities. 

It was hard for me to go along, and it has been stressful for me because of the things i didn't get to do, and because of the things i did need to do.  But, I will have to think about it in depth another day: it is Sunday evening and i do need to do a few thigns for work this coming week before i can sleep.  Also ironically - going his way means not having time to think about going his way.   

Maybe that's the plan.....???


  1. greengirl,

    It's funny how our situations are often so similar. I struggled with the same thing today, different ideas on how to spend our Sunday. At first I argued my point but then realized what I was doing and switched gears quite quickly.

    "going his way means not having time to think about going this way." Love that, it is so true.


  2. Elysia says: This is a struggle that we have in common. The whole idea of letting them choose the overall plan for us and for our family is one of those concepts that is so much easier to believe than to put into practice. I haven't had this issue to this degree. H is actually letting me make my own plans and we are, during some remodeling, going our separate ways. I can see how this would be difficult for you to accept, especially when it never feels like there are enough hours in the weekend anyway. I hope that you share how you felt. Perhaps if presented in such as way as to be respectful, and not complaining, he may find it in his heart to help you get that time you need this coming weekend.
    I hope so. You deserve to be able to do those things that fulfill you on a personal level as well. You and I know that "this side" of D/s takes time for them to develope, and I don't know about you , but I get impatient for that sometimes.
    I hope you had a fun weekend!

  3. Dear greengirl,

    i think you did answer your own question at the end of the post. His plan is, obviously lol, to keep you busy, his way. This may be unsettling at first, esp. if you have made plans, but it is essentially another aspect of a D/s relationship. The sub has to "make time" for the Dom, even if it means getting up early the next day to catch up.

    It's another baby step...

    Love, cassie

  4. Serenity,
    I, sadly, went along, but with more pouting and internal fuming than i have felt in a long time. There is some attitude i need to get straight in my head about now. I hope your day turned out well in the end.

    Part of the issue was just time and not enough of it. Part of it however is the fact that i will choose to withdraw or not push myself out of my comfort zone (a pretty narrow zone)sometimes. As a family we needed to do the things we did, and I needed to be part of it all, it's just that i would not have chosen to do so on my own. The weekend did go well, and i am slowly catching up, thank you. I hope yoru remodelling goes smoothly.

    This is a step for us - previously we each did view our time as fairly sacred, we were reluctant to intrude on the other's plans. So this is new for each of us. Hopefully i will work better under pressure the rest of the week. Thank you.