I participated in a professional seminar of sorts last week and one of the activities was to identify why we were at the point in our careers that we were. This drove home something that I have always known about myself: I have never had my ideal future mapped out in my head, I make each big decision as it comes. I have a very strong sense of who I am, what I value, what I enjoy, and what my strengths and weaknesses are. As choices present themselves, I choose based on that moment. This has led me into two different careers that I love and my current job, which I really love.
It has served me in my personal life as well. I try to do things and make decisions intentionally, but not at all towards a pre-determined path. And I am incredibly fortunate in the people and relationships I have in my life.
The trick with this way of going through life though seems to be recognizing when the big decisions are there to be made. I am certain I have missed those moments before just as i know i have made poor choices at different times also. Sometimes circumstances are such that the need to make a choice is unavoidable. Other times, the feeling that a change is coming just starts to grow and take shape until it is inevitable. That's the case now.
I started this blog three years ago in September. The several years prior to that had been a time of intense focus and concentration on me, on my goals. As that work started to bear fruit, my focus shifted, very unexpectedly, to us.
The past three years have been a lot of thought and learning and work, by both of us, and about "Us". A blog would seem, at face value, to be all about "me," but in fact it has been a very big help to the work on us.
And the "us" is pretty stable now, engaged, excited, connected, stronger by far than ever before. And now? I feel us looking outward now. There's another shift coming or it's already in the works i think. We are not at a destination we had been waiting for; we are ready to be and do things we weren't before though.
I looked back at some of my first posts in September three years ago. This was what i hoped then, and it has indeed come to be.
i woke up again at 3 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep
i lay there thinking about you - imaginging/remembering your hands on me
your hands feeling me, making me feel,
moving my body to where and how you want it
i ached to have you there and not imagined
this is something very new
previously i cringed at the thought of what you must feel touching me
so i never really experienced the feel of you on me
and i dont think you felt right to take command of my body
i never had this kind of aching before
now i can't imagine going back
i think you feel the right of it now
i hope it is pleasing for you
i hope it becomes part of you