Kitty wrote a brilliant post about submitting vs. being made to submit, or following vs. being made to follow. I have watched myself struggle to learn how to follow or submit without the being-made-to part because that has always been what my husband wanted. He has never deviated from this. But there is absolutely and undeniably a thrill, a high, a charge, and a huge turn on in the being-made-to.
Part of the evolution has been in my coming to believe - down deep in my core - that he does want my submission. This belief makes me want to offer exactly that: he wants my submission so i offer it, he doesn't want to fight me for it so i don't want to make him. I know - and I've known all along - that whenever i pushed back and tried to get him to force anything out of me, it was because i needed him to prove he really wanted it, that i wasn't giving something so overwhelming for no reason. Not so mature, but i guess it's the process i had to go through.
And if that makes it sound like i now manage some blissful, idyllic, strife and doubt-free submissive existence - well - my husband could refute that notion if he could stop laughing long enough to list the many ways i miss the mark. I try. He knows i try. Sometimes the best i can do is to be open to getting past the attitude or bad mood or whatever-it-is when he does the magic he does to get me there. I often can't get myself there, but if i fight him, i'll never make the leap, so cooperating with the process is sometimes the best i got.
Which brings me back to the tools/things-he-exploits/magic-he-does to get me to the point of submissive. It does, in describing it, sound like forcing my submission, exactly what i said he won't do. It is different. There have been the rare occasions that i just couldn't "get there" and he stopped. It's a subtle but really obvious thing - the difference between struggling but trying to keep up and struggling but sitting down and refusing to move at all. He won't force, he expects me to try.
But there are an awful lot of actions, words, sensations, situations, things he can do to me or demand of me that will push me through all the other feelings i might be fighting with. For us - this is what i sometimes need; maybe he sometimes needs to have the opportunity to do this - i don't know. Sometimes i do need to be conquered, but i have to let him do it.