Is that even a thing any more - or is it like saying "dial the phone"
Anyhow.....
My older son is in luv - and suddenly he's gotten stoooopid. OMG! He'd give Romeo a run for his money with all the swoony distractedness and the mushy hyperbole and the gushing on about perfection and forever and, and.... and - where in the hell did this come from? This is the same child who went to grade school with the same 25 kids for 6 straight years and still didn't know all the girls' names.
Things here are still fluxing - i suppose life is like that. And i'm still trying with more or less success on any given day to flow along with it. (The aforementioned teenager in love is not helping btw.)
Bleuame wrote a brilliant post about responsibility, and subs taking some, and falling into taking as the sub rather than giving, and about general impatience. And, wow did that hit home: different issue in question, but the same story here for me. "Active submission" mouse called it - and i've lost sight of it and am not managing it. I know this - but that's not the same as fixing it. Some things to reflect on more earnestly today...
I am always funny about buying my husband an adult present and Christmas was even weirder than usual because of the changes here. I looked at a number of ideas, but all of them felt wrong so i ended up getting him a spool of leather lacing. Odd - I know - but he doesn't do rope - it just isn't his thing - and he had seemed to like some of the tmbler pics of more specific bondage with leather. He has taken one short length of it and periodically ties it around my thigh - at night, during the day, whenever - I wear it until i am allowed it take it off. It is surprising the power we can give to a silly thing, what the mind can do. How 18" of rawhide can center and settle a roiling mind.
Nothing surprising about canes though. Well - there is. Bent over the bed first thing in the morning, out of the blue but not really un-called for, the cane can be very centering, attitude adjusting, and re-orienting. The out-of-body thoughts occurred to me before the pain became the real focus - I'm an adult, i have to go to work, this hurts, i'm here with my jeans around my ankles and my ass in the air, for my husband to see, this can't be right, how utterly silly, he must hate to have to see this, what in the hell kind of person allows this, or goes in for this? And i don't have the answers for those - yes it hurts, yes it is both humiliating and good for me, yes i was calmer and more centered the rest of the day. But still?
No but still...that's just it, it hurts, it's good for you and you both liked it and it made your day better! YEA you!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's all true - of course. Funny things happening 'round here lately - so far it's all good though. Thanks.
DeleteThis tying some leather round your leg - I think I will try that. It might be interesting to Rose.
ReplyDelete" yes it hurts, yes it is both humiliating and good for me, yes i was calmer and more centered the rest of the day."
Isn't that all that matters?
It's an odd thing - but symbols can be powerful. And yea - i should be beyond wondering about spanking - it works, that should be enough, somehow there are still funny feelings about it that don't go away - maybe that's part of why it works - it remains un-easy on a few levels. Thank you
Delete"he must hate to have to see this"
ReplyDeleteNo he probably loves to see that, I certainly would.
I am glad to see that other people have the same thoughts as me. I often think, "Why does this help me?", Cause I know it does. We often talk about how much better I am with a red bottom, and that if he spanks me... he doesn't have to "punish" me.
ReplyDeleteDana,
DeleteWelcome, i should know by now - and not worry about why - but sometimes it still hits me. He doesn't do punishments - but things to help get me where he wants me - yes. thanks.
Thank-you very much for the mention, gg!
ReplyDeleteThe spool of lacing is a great idea! It can be used for so much. Loved the story of 'your' Romeo that you used to begin this post---that must be some adventure to witness ;o)
Bleuame,
DeleteYour post really hit home for me. Adventure - that's a great spin on it - i will try to remind myself to look at it that way more - it is disconcerting to see such a Jekyll/Hyde thing in him.
It is funny how we can have those thoughts, so contradictory, at the same time. I've noticed that one time there is absolutely no doubt about rightness is when that strap is meeting my behind. All the questions, the doubts-they come later. Bent over that bed, feeling that sting, cheeks hot and perhaps wet from tears-I know I am where I want to be.
ReplyDeleteSaoirse,
DeleteI always have a few moments of wondering in that position - or often anyhow. It ends soon enough, but i don't always succeed in having a quiet mind initially.