what's old is new

Today is more the first day of the new year than yesterday for us.  Our holiday break is always filled with lots of travel and family and then ends with lots of out of town friends at our house for a long visit.  The timing this year had us up late, late for the New Year's Eve party and up early, early yesterday to see our friends all off on their long drives home.  We spent yesterday cleaning and restoring order, and lounging, and maybe a little of organizing and otherwise getting ready to hit the ground running today. Which is what we are all doing.

My job runs in natural cycles and a new one begins now.  The starts and the ends of the semesters are always more work, more stress, and more transitions than other times.  And this one is a doozy.  There's a lot of new work facing me, and a lot of big things in current projects happening in the next 3 - 4 weeks.   I really like the work i do and the new stuff and the current stuff are all exciting and engaging for me, but still lots of work.

I find myself living in my head, or maybe actually my heart, much less recently than i had been. The time, the previous almost three years now really, that i spent putting so much energy into exploring and learning have been the aberration.  It was new for me to think about my feelings, to learn about my emotions, to dig into that part of myself, and especially to open up that part of myself.  I was never a navel gazer, never a sentimental or in touch with my feelings kind of person.  Even the terms i use for it give that sense.  I was very skewed in the other direction - and skewed one way or the other is not always useful.

I'm sure the time spent living in a different part of my head than i had been used to was what had to happen to allow the changes for my husband and me.  Probably it was good for me individually also.  Balance and learning new skills are good things. No sense pretending i don't have feelings or emotions...

The past few weeks or maybe month i see myself slipping back into my old ways.  Maybe wrapped up in my heart was where i needed to be, maybe that need is waning.  Maybe outside demands are forcing me back to my more comfortable patterns.  Maybe there are just cycles to these sorts of things.

I'm good, my husband is good.  The "Us" is good, albeit in flux somewhat.  We are more and more deeply D and s, although that doesn't always take the appearance i would have expected.  And we remain each kinky -  from fun and light to serious and very intense - and we continue to have not nearly as much time or privacy as we would like to dedicate to that.

I'm not sure what all this means for my blogging.  When i sit to write, the same sorts of thoughts just aren't there.  And they don't hit me throughout the day the way they used to.  I'm just not wondering these days.  But nor am i feeling like i want to walk away.  Maybe i should just change the title.

This seems to be a long-winded post that maybe doesn't really say much.  Something is different though, in me, or in our life.  I suppose this is one where i just sit back and see where it leads.  More newness for the new year.

I hope all of you have the renewal you need this coming year.