scattered

I'm fairly outside focused recently - it's necessary - it's the time of year, the time spent out of town with my father's death and funeral and being with my family there, ran right into the cycle my job is in, overlaps with where the kids are in their worlds right now, coincides with the holidays and everything that goes with that -   and my husband is in the same spot - our Venn circles overlapping somewhat, but big areas of our own as well....

So my mind is organized pretty well right now for managing life at home, or i'm trying for that anyhow -  the next few weeks, my job, etc - a little overwhelmed maybe - but getting it under control.

Our relationship becomes a less prominent piece of the puzzle at times like this.  Or - there is just more doing and less thinking about it.  Or less coherent thinking about it.

Which - it occurs to me sounds like ignoring Him or ignoring us - which it is not - this is - I think - exactly where he wants me to be and what  he wants me to be doing - focused on what needs to be done, focused on the family, trying to help move us from time interrupted into the holidays in a sane way.  That is important to him.

Which makes me think about the fact that many of the things that are important to him are not at all sexy, subversive, kinky, or even remotely titillating: good nutrition and  home cooked meals, keeping the family's schedule rolling smoothly, getting in some exercise in the face of cold/snow and routines in flux, a holiday season that is about family and peace and  joy, allowing him the room to do his job and to allow him to help where needed so i can do mine, and the hardest for me - recognizing that his frustration and preoccupation and upset are not at or because of me - to let those roll and neither take them personally nor try to fix them.

Oh - and the really, really hard and not at all fun or interesting expectation -  to be content with his expectations being mundane and not particularly fun or interesting.