Saturday, December 14, 2013


I'm fairly outside focused recently - it's necessary - it's the time of year, the time spent out of town with my father's death and funeral and being with my family there, ran right into the cycle my job is in, overlaps with where the kids are in their worlds right now, coincides with the holidays and everything that goes with that -   and my husband is in the same spot - our Venn circles overlapping somewhat, but big areas of our own as well....

So my mind is organized pretty well right now for managing life at home, or i'm trying for that anyhow -  the next few weeks, my job, etc - a little overwhelmed maybe - but getting it under control.

Our relationship becomes a less prominent piece of the puzzle at times like this.  Or - there is just more doing and less thinking about it.  Or less coherent thinking about it.

Which - it occurs to me sounds like ignoring Him or ignoring us - which it is not - this is - I think - exactly where he wants me to be and what  he wants me to be doing - focused on what needs to be done, focused on the family, trying to help move us from time interrupted into the holidays in a sane way.  That is important to him.

Which makes me think about the fact that many of the things that are important to him are not at all sexy, subversive, kinky, or even remotely titillating: good nutrition and  home cooked meals, keeping the family's schedule rolling smoothly, getting in some exercise in the face of cold/snow and routines in flux, a holiday season that is about family and peace and  joy, allowing him the room to do his job and to allow him to help where needed so i can do mine, and the hardest for me - recognizing that his frustration and preoccupation and upset are not at or because of me - to let those roll and neither take them personally nor try to fix them.

Oh - and the really, really hard and not at all fun or interesting expectation -  to be content with his expectations being mundane and not particularly fun or interesting.



  1. "many of the things that are important to him are not at all sexy, subversive, kinky, or even remotely titillating"
    Yep, totally get that. Was a really hard concept to grasp when I was still all starry-eyed.
    Sometimes though, I think accepting that is very much what ttwd is about (for me anyways). Perhaps at times, the greatest submission is the one that takes on vanilla form...

    1. lil,
      I'm not even starry-eyed anymore - i grasp it - but there is definitely an escapism to it - the kinky, sexy, fun, challenging, blatantly submissive stuff keeps me going, nourishes us... I know the other stuff has to happen and is actually what is really important - but.....

    2. gg,
      sorry, didn't mean to imply that you were still all stary-eyed. I've been reading here long enough to know better!
      Just took Me years past the realization to actually accept it.

      I totally get the escapism and nourishing bit! Times when it takes an overall vanilla form sometimes feel like they are foreverrrrrr....

  2. Damn it. Maybe that's where we are right now and I need to quit feeling sad about it?

    But what if it never changes? What if this is it? I mean, I'd just have to deal with it, I get that, but - but - i would like to have kinky sex and all that again someday... what if it never happens? Do you worry about that?


    1. sofia,
      It feels like it lasts forever - I've been here before - the point of having gone far enough past the point of missing it to have it feel like a too distant memory - it makes me sad, resigned, a little hopeless maybe - but it has always come back - not always entirely smoothly - but it has. The better thing now is that i know this - i'm not in a panic like i used to get. It helps - a little - for me to remind myself that it is up to him, it is meant to meet his needs not mine - though, honestly - there is certainly a point that both person's needs must be met. I hope things turn for you two soon.

  3. "many of the things that are important to him are not at all sexy, subversive, kinky, or even remotely titillating"

    *sigh* yes. And you know, often that's fine - I adore doing little loving things for him that have nothing to do with kink or sex. But sometimes... I suppose, it's like those awful times when our libidos are out of step with each others. Sometime's it's our kinks, too. *bigger sigh*

    1. mc kitten,
      yes - out of sync - and add in outside stressors and obligations and everything else - I suppose it's incredible that the stars ever do align. I just count on knowing that the wheel keeps turning and will come back around again.