I guess the patterns are the same - but change is change - and as much as i am not someone who hates change - i also need some time to learn the new world order when it happens
I've always had body-image problems - as in - i really don't like my body. My husband loves my body - i actually do believe that. That's one area that D/s, M/s, ttwd has really helped - i believe him when he says that.
But last week it all took a nosedive and it was so bad that i didn't want him to look at me or touch me or be physically near me. This wasn't just a casual wishing i were younger/firmer/prettier - it was a deep, visceral feeling that i couldn't overcome and couldn't hide from him. As you can imagine - that didn't work for him.
He neither forged ahead without any consideration of my distress, nor did he back away or coddle me - any of which i think would have destroyed me at the time - He listened. He demanded service - but he tolerated my detachment from him during. He caned me as hard as he has in a very long time. And he made it clear that when he gets back into town i need to be back on track in a number of areas.
I've been stressed, haven't been sleeping well, not eating or exercising as well....All of which are factors I'm sure. I'm also a woman of a certain age - though he has forbidden me to use the M word - he's going the ostrich route with this one. I'm nevertheless occasionally overcome with moods and funks that don't make any rational sense.
So this week i'm working very hard at eating better, moving more, trying to sleep (still can't seem to force that one), and working to figure out how to manage the changes, or adapt to the new world order.
I get to go away soon - for two whole weeks - part of which He will be able to join me and we will have an actual vacation together - somewhere cooler, with lots of activity and movement and scenery and Us time. All good reasons to get back on track - that - plus the fact that he told me to.