Saturday, July 26, 2014

It is all about you for you and it is all about me for me.

The title is a quote from a person who was a mentor to me in this, someone who was comfortable or even adept with all my incessant and silly overthinking.  Because suddenly i'm off that plateau and back to fixated on twists and turns and ins and outs.

My husband does not love the overthinking, make-everything-way-too-complex aspect of me.  "Any hole, any time...." is his standard response when i try to ask him about the why's or wherefore's of it all for him. It's sort of his code for, "it's what I want, we've been through this before, come to me with real questions and concerns, not this."

And that's fair enough - or - it is what it is.  It is one of the things he takes as his prerogative, and he's right, early on we did talk about a lot of aspects of things - his feelings about them, mine, the why's and what is really right or wrong for us.  But now we are long into the point that i just have to trust him and not question, it's my work to do - as they say.

He's been in a mood to make me come recently, frequently and spectacularly - i know - poor me.....  And after - he points out, "You needed that."  And he's right; I relax, I sleep, I calm down, I snuggle and I'm more all around pleasant to him.

But, but - it's not supposed to be about me.  But i kinda like this lately.  But why aren't i more all around pleasant to him on my own.  But things are, as usual, busy and stressful, and, and, and....  But he's also just as busy and stressed.  And shouldn't i be finding ways to help him, make things easier for him, shouldn't i not be an extra burden to him.

And yes - i absolutely should work to make things easier for him.  Exactly what that would entail is only sometimes clear, but there are some things i know, certainly. Probably not asking him to join me in my otherthinking would be one of them.

But - to cut to the chase - i do still get stuck on not feeling right, or not accepting gracefully when he does for me - which - frankly - he does a lot - and not just spectacular orgasms.

One pervasive theme about submission or being submissive or a slave or whatever - is the innate desire to please - to do for others - and the need to live that.  And I don't always, every moment and with every fiber, feel like pleasing others, even Him.  That is maybe another post - because i do feel that desire in the theoretical or the general, but i seem to need to work on it much more in the specific and in practice.

And He clearly does feel compelled to take care of me, to see to my needs, to guide me and to lift me up. That is very important to him.  And I can accept that this is Dominance for him.  It is what is right for him and allows him to be who and what he really wants - and my part is to accept that and allow it and cooperate with it - even if it means being taken care, even if it means lots of orgasms.








12 comments:

  1. ah yes, this sounds very familar - espcially the over thinking!

    I want to be all slavey and servey, sometimes I really REALLY don't.

    I love orgasm denial, he loves making me cum as much as possible and all over the place which is sometimes difficult for me.

    At the end of the day - he's calling the shots, right? He's obviously not insisting on taking care of you because you're begging for it, in fact, you're feeling a bit uncomfortable about even but he's doing it anyway, right? Because he knows how to handle you and what you need, maybe even better than you know yourself?

    Could it be that he's managing you, would that be the right expression?

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    1. MC kitten - obviously - or maybe not so obviously to me but should have been... that is his take on it too. That has been his underlying push for me - is for me to allow him and to cooperate with his handling me - that is the perfect word. Thanks.

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  2. Orgasm has a tremendous effect on brain chemistry - lots of dopamine and oxycotin discharged. Here is an interesting article about what happens in your brain when you have an orgasm:
    http://bigthink.com/experts-corner/this-is-your-brain-during-orgasm-2

    And here is one about the amazing things that oxytocin does for us:
    http://io9.com/5925206/10-reasons-why-oxytocin-is-the-most-amazing-molecule-in-the-world

    When you take all that into account, I think Mckitten is absolutely right - he is managing you. Every bit for his benefit as much as yours. And it makes perfect sense that it is easier for you to be submissive when he's making you have lots of orgasms - you can't feel/be that way at other times because of brain chemistry. How cool is that?

    i might have to blog about this myself... thanks for the inspiration.

    sofia

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    1. sofia,
      He is indeed managing me - i do know that but also still occasionally get a little panicky about it. And thank you for all the science - some of this i knew but had forgotten - i tend to relegate oxytocin to the realm of childbirth and nursing in my mind. So it was great to learn new stuff and to be reminded that it's a lifespan thing - not just once upon a time.

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  3. Greengirl,

    If he wants it to be all about you, then it is...but I'm sure he is gaining something from this!!
    I have issues with the whole "pleasing" concept. For me,that's not what it's about...I need to blog about that...Pleasing others, even Him can often be detrimental to one's own self and that runs counter-intuitive to all the other goals.
    People/groups/community are often so much work for me, too--exhausting, tiring, frustrating. I appreciate knowing I'm not the only one with a small but wonderful tribe :)

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    1. I would love to hear your thoughts about being pleasing - or actually - about all the other goals. It's not a word or idea he uses at all. But to please him is something i feel i owe him, though i too often make assumptions about what that would mean, and i'm often way off. Thanks!

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  4. I think in the final paragraph you answered it for yourself. Very smart mentor by the way ;)
    Sir J

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    1. I do think i know the answer - i just don't always feel it and remember it. And yes, indeed. Thank you

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  5. "Any hole, any time...."

    Is that a total man thing, or what? My Master says almost the same thing whenever I ask him "But WHY do you like being my Master? Why is this better?"

    I just like the reassurance that he really is happy with everything, happy with me, basically.

    So much of your thinking mirrors the same thoughts I have had. My Master just loves! to see me orgasm. It's not so much about me as about him having the power to control that part of me too. I know this, because he'll keep doing it long after I've had plenty. (or in odd situations when I don't even want one).

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    1. Oh yea - i get that too - "This way is better, we aren't going back." I don't know why i still sometimes need reassurance after all this time - but every once in awhile i do. I suppose i will just have to suck it up and deal with the orgasms.

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  6. "any hole, any time" This really just made me laugh. My Man's words exactly just a few days ago were "I want all three holes available, you do a great job of that"

    Ummmm, thanks? Silly me, I always think that I could be doing MORE!

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    1. A lovely turn of phrase - isn't it? Women and men really are just different in some ways. Thanks

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