I'm not like other girls (cuz you know all other girls are all exactly alike), in fact, I'm pretty far away from being like the other girls.
And most of the time that's just fine.
But every once in awhile i feel defective and i wish i could be like all of them, because that seems to be what all the guys want - and so mine must really also - and i'm not it....
Yes Sir - i know you don't, and i'm working on it.
I am working on this one right along with you..." I chose you"...He reminds me..
ReplyDeletehugs abby
He reminds me of that too... thank you.
DeleteGreengirl,
ReplyDeleteOh gods.
I get this so much. Sometimes I long to be like the other girls because it just seemed easier and earlier on I struggled with the whole "Why does he want me?" (especially considering there was *a lot of resistance* from relatives when we first got together)..and as far as being defective? I could say that in a physical, literal sense, I am (though he doesn't like it when I do).
Yeah, I had a lot of that to overcome.
But it is unfair to lump all men together in that one-dimensional way, too; because I definitely didn't just want a regular, run of the mill guy-someone.
I think, as the years went on, I gained more confidence in myself and my weird, solitary ways and it helped knowing that he was by my side no matter what and slowly, I started to see myself -every once in awhile--how he sees me.
I know it is possible to come to peace with this, greengirl and hope you can get there :)
These are really good points - and I know these things - in my head - but sometimes the emotional me wins out. i need to practice looking in or looking to him instead of looking outward. Thank you for the encouragement.
DeleteI have a hard time with this too. I am glad you are working through this with him.
ReplyDeletethank you - this does come from me - not from him.
DeleteI'm not "like the other girls" either. But I've also discovered that most of the other girls aren't like the other girls. If you know what I mean. :-)
ReplyDeleteGlad you're working through this too!
sofia
That's an excellent point. And i know this - but still sometimes my insecurities win. Thank you.
DeleteA friend of mine, long, long ago, used to look at me and ask, "Who is this nebulous "they"?"
ReplyDeleteAnd really, there is no good answer to that.
Which doesn't help the feelings but can sometimes break the brain's hideous loop...
And if that doesn't work, another old friend of long ago once said, "If that's what you think of yourself, what does that say about what you think about ME for wanting you?"
That one's a stumper, too...
stupid brainz
Yup - he's used that line too - about what it says about him that he wants me - i have no good answer, at least no good not smart-assed answer. And yea - the irrational part of my brain can be frustratingly irrational. Thanks.
DeleteOh my! Is it me who was uttering 'Who is this nebulous they?' Because that is one of my lines. Has been for years. And no, really, the other girls aren't like the other girls, either. And indeed - what does that say about what you're thinking of him? But yes, from time to time, it all hits me too. When I think of how completely twigged this would probably look to anybody looking from the outside in. Except the only person who does that is...me. When I'm in a very weird headspace.
DeleteThis is a wonderful blog, greengirl, so happy I stumbled across it.
mishana,
Deletewelcome. i suppose a lot of us do get this sometimes, and it only hits me sometimes too. other times i'm more rational and see that we aren't all alike and that he chose me for me. Thank you so much.
Wouldn't it be nice to be able to see ourselves though the eyes of the men who married us?
ReplyDeleteI second Jz on this one--stupid brainz.
That would be lovely, or scary, or intimidating, or informative anyhow - this might be a case of "i can't handle the truth." Thanks!
DeleteGG
ReplyDeleteOn my good days I can really remember "Who am I to say that I am NOT the most beautiful woman he has ever seen" and then the other days, like my PMS days, I have no idea how he doesn't just run for the hills =)
Hopefully today is a better day for you!
That sounds about right - it's nto all the time - but sometimes i just can't remember or get myself to believe him. Thank you -i'm getting better.
Deletestupid brainz... Those crappy tapes from a younger me play and I start thinking maybe I should try to be more like Jz's nebulous they. I think this might be one of those "we feel like we are alone, but to our surprise, really aren't" things.
ReplyDeleteAnd i guess i know i'm not alone - none of the people i know irl are really "them;" they are all unique and worth knowing as individuals. My virtual friends too :) thank you.
Delete