Saturday, September 6, 2014

Sir

I call him Sir, but only on what you might call special occasions: when we play/during a scene, for the daily caning or whatever other torment/discipline, in the heat of the moment (oh god, oh sir...), when i ask permission for anything, if begging seems to be called for, or whenever he gets that look and Sir seems like a wise choice.  Sometimes, in the middle of the day-to-day, he changes the mood of things by suddenly insisting on it - it's a signal and it effects the shift in the moment.

Sir isn't ever used in front of other people or within earshot even.  And i use it infrequently enough that it isn't my first impulse when speaking to or about him. I wouldn't really ever slip up and call him Sir out of context because it's more of a thing i have to think about to remember rather than the automatic thing.

We aren't formal or protocol  - not even very, very low protocol.  We are entirely natural and i guess equal in our communications.  I'm not quite sure how to describe it: our dynamic isn't expressed at all in our everyday interactions, not in our speech, or manners, or gestures, not overtly, at all.  There would be, to any observer, no sense of me being 'in my place.'

Tori included her perspective on this in an excellent post.   I can easily see how using Sir, or some other title of respect or deference, could have a profound impact on my frame of mind, the way i communicate with him, and how i think of him all around.  We are most often completely at ease with each other, like i said - no overt expression of us.  But, there are times that i feel way too at ease, way too familiar maybe, not quite disrespectful, but pushing the boundary.... if that makes any sense, considering that there are no expectations like that in the first place.  It's entirely situational, and i know exactly when i'm doing it, and i think he does too.

So i can see that a requirement about how i address him, or a protocol around speech, or manners or gestures or any such thing, would serve to reinforce our dynamic - which i like and often need.  It would reassure me when i doubt it, and remind me when i choose to ignore it.   I have learned the hard way never to say never - but i don't think this is an area where he will choose to make changes. I do know it would be very difficult for me.

He called the other day while I was in the middle of a conversation with my son.  I told him i was talking with the son so he (my husband) and i wrapped up quickly.  At the end he insisted i say "yes sir."  I reminded him the son was standing right there, but he insisted.  I giggled a little and tried to weasel around it - no go -  so i said it.  My son's eyebrows shot up and then he rolled his eyes.  Those two words were painfully difficult and stopped me in my tracks. I can't imagine Sir or anything like that just rolling off my tongue in front of other people ever.


14 comments:

  1. hey gg,

    i saw your comment, just havent got around to replying yet, so behind on comments, so will ramble here if thats ok lol

    I do use his given name when referring to him, like if we are with people i would say "*name* likes to watch that" for example, but i dont address him directly with his name, i wander if its because we started as D/s and from the beginning he was Sir its just become second nature to me, and i have learnt to adapt when we are in vanilla situations.

    I mostly though call him and refer to him as the boss in front of others if i need to speak to him directly (like i tend to call him bossman on the blog), which friends/family are used too, and see it as nothing more than an affectionate term.

    When out in public, he is Sir, and bar a few occasions its not raised any eyebrows, that im aware of, again though i think its adapting to the situation, i wouldnt intentionally use it within earshot of someone, but sometimes because its just what im used to it slips out.

    x

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    1. tori,
      Thanks. I liked your post. I really was and am curious how people make it work because i can see the advantages. I like 'boss' - accurate and affectionate. My kids were already old enough to really notice when we made changes - so switching things overtly wasn't and isn't an option. They are awfully observant for being otherwise so oblivious.

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  2. I find that having an extensive background in retail is useful.
    ("it's all that customer service training -- hard habit to break...")

    Perhaps you should cultivate the fiction of one? ;-p

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    1. Hmm - i did work various retail type things once upon a time - but none of them remotely glamorous. It's the around the house/in front of the kids that i can't imagine changes not raising eyebrows and real confusion. Lightheartedness aside - they do see everything and i want them to see us treating each other with respect and in love - although i realize any and everything is open to mis-interpretation in their not so fully formed frontal lobes.

      Thanks sweetie.

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  3. I use first name basis, about 90% of the time, I like the fact that is personal, it is who they are, their given names. So I use, "yes/no "name" most of the time. It can be said in public, in fact anywhere!. However, when I am over whelmed, that feeling of utter servitude, as bit by bit I give myself to them totally or they simply take, I then use Master/Mistress. To them it is a signal, a sign if you wish, re a deepening mind set, or slipping into subspace, when everything goes kind of deliciously fuzzy and warm. Oddly enough I use Sir at work all the time and cannot equate it to M/s, so never use that. I love saying "yes "name", it still acknowledges them for who they are, polite and can be utilised 100% of the time.

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    1. That's a good point about yes/no "name". Even that small change would be noticed by my kids though. I do very much see the benefits and reasons for having our interactions be a bit more formalized, but it's not how he wants to do it, for good reasons. But i totally get the part about the titles just flowing in more one on one situations - it really does make a difference. thanks.

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  4. Using Sir was a struggle for me at first, so using it in public or among family and friends was not a problem. As i became more used to it, and using it regularly, it would slip. The first time one of the adult kids noticed and said...Sir??...i laughed and saluted and said Aye Aye Sir! Telling it made Him feel good and smile. Do they suspect something more...i doubt it....but if they do, i am sure they are happy not discussing it.
    hugs abby

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    1. I bet that did make him feel good. We have a few more years until the kids are out of the house and i don't have to worry quite so much about being careful - of course - that means i'm not as safe from him anymore also :)

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  5. I call my Master "Master" pretty much only in private. If the kids or anyone else is there, I don't. It could be while making tea or any time at all. If all kinky people are there, I might do it then, but it doesn't pop out naturally in front of anyone, it would be more effort on my part, partly I think habit and partly because it feels kind of extra intimate to me. I would tend to do it quietly, just to him, "Yes, Master" near his ear, not shout out over a table or something.

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    1. That sounds very much like us (except we don't know any other kinky folks, or we don't know that we do if we do). The outward show is there but very private, and i do think it retains a bit more power for me that way. Thanks

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  6. We were married for many years and had two kids before we transitioned into a 24/7 lifestyle. I use "Honey" as a substitute for "Sir" or "Master". It still has the same meaning to us but it is acceptable in public or in front of the boys. No one thinks it is strange for me to say "Yes Honey".

    I always use "Sir" when we text or are alone. It does help with my mindset and prevents me from becoming too casual with our relationship. The transition to our current lifestyle was slow and difficult at times so I never want to forget my place- I asked to be in a M/s marriage.

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    1. We were also married many years with kids first - so i think that is part of the reason. The kids would have noticed changes. I like your substitute word idea - no one would notice that. I think (based on not very much data really) but i think that the hard transitions maybe work better - for us at least - facing the deeper things was hard but make us stronger. Thanks.

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  7. Greengirl,

    I think, for all of our M/s dynamic ways, we are very natural together. And I think anyone looking in from the outside would see love and affection, a strong partnership. I do say "Sir" in front of family--but it is a thing that has evolved and I do use it out in public--but not always. Family is pretty much used to our quirky ways and has probably just chalked it up to a nickname.
    It has never raised a brow in public. But most often, in vanilla and work situations, I call/refer to him as "Husband".
    It carries weight somehow and links back to the formality of "Sir"...
    I used to feel very, very different about using titles and this has been an evolving thing for us.
    As we get on the raising of duckling, I do wonder what we are going to feel is appropriate.

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    1. Thanks Bleuame - i've loved hearing about how so many other people handle this. I agree about husband - such a common word - but has come to mean very much more, to us at least. I think part of the beauty of the whole thing is that it does evolve - it grows with us. How awesome for you two.

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