If you had to go back and start over again -- but got to keep the knowledge of yourself that you have now -- when do you think you would have started being kinky?
Jz sent me this question. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, but my first response is that I have absolutely no idea. Which feels like an easy out - the kind my son would give.
So i thought about it some more - or i stepped back and looked at how i really feel about it all...
I think i wouldn't change anything.
When we did start was such a tough time to do so - I was so close to the finish line of a huge thing i had undertaken. Starting something so new and potentially (and in actuality) overwhelming could so easily have completely derailed years of effort. Our family and life was about to move, change, undergo a major upheaval, one more huge change to our lifestyle at the same time was stupidity.
But it worked, it worked out well, and in fact helped us through the other transitions and stressors at that time.
"But what about the opportunity costs?" Wouldn't it have been even better if i had found out and we had explored even earlier - for just kink, maybe just bedroom, maybe the whole tpe.... Think of the years we could have been having so much more fun, better sex, better marriage. I don't know.
But i still believe that I wouldn't go back and change anything. I think I was ready when it happened. I'm not sure i would have been any sooner. Maybe not mature enough, maybe too fearful, not open enough.... Maybe I would have been, just no way to know.
I have an odd way of viewing things sometimes - seems to be a theme lately. I don't really plan far ahead. I don't have a 10, 20, 30 year plan for where i want to go, what i want to do, where i see myself when.... I look at choices and forks in the road when they present themselves and i try to make the best, most honest decision of the choices in front of me.
The flip side of this is not regretting the path my life has taken. That sounds arrogant (i did everything right) or ungrateful, or like i don't take responsibility for poor choices. It's not those things. I do take responsibility and have remorse for poor choices, especially if I've hurt people along the way, but i don't stew in wanting to go back and change the past.
So - i also don't think 'wouldn't it be great if i had done this, that, or the other sooner. It's a strange way to approach life, I know, but for better or worse, that's me.
Thank you for the question!