maybe: a not very D/s and somewhat touchy subject.....

But i don't have another blog - so this goes here.

I was raised Catholic and moved away from that to a more liberal, inclusive flavor of Christianity.  But, as i see it (feel deeply in my bones,) Christianity in the US has been hijacked by groups who are the very antithesis of Christian.  It is becoming very difficult for me to willingly accept the name, which should be causing me great concern and angst...crisis of faith and all that.

Except - it isn't - i worry that i ought to be feeling some crisis, but i actually feel kind of more at peace.

I find myself feeling more sure of what i think is right and wrong, what i feel i personally should and should not do for myself, my family, others, the world...and I'm sure much of this -  my conscience i suppose - is rooted in my upbringing - because i do feel that i am obliged in many ways to serve others - not out of guilt, but just because it's what is right.  I also feel more sure that religious institutions offer some good ways to serve others, but for me, a poor way to worship or find faith.

At the same time - maybe related, maybe unrelated - I feel myself changing.  And i have such a hard time explaining it - it feels like my soul changing maybe.

It's springtime and i do plants - but this year the pull to plant and tend and grow has been especially strong, and oddly specific.  Some things in our circumstances have changed and we now have access to a fairly wild piece of land and i am feeling something waking up inside of me in response to it.  I am just waiting though, waiting to see where the feelings and pulls and nudges lead me.

Maybe i'm sliding into crazy.  Maybe as i get older, the crazy is just freer to come out.  Maybe it's just a need to unplug - there's plenty in my daily life that is way too plugged in.   Maybe my soul has just reached a limit of being disconnected from what it really needs.


Like i said - not D/s - maybe crazy - but what's in my head a lot recently.....