Bleuame (blog private - so i'm putting the article link here ) had posted a link to one woman's take on the "mommy bonus" concept. I talked to my husband about it - actually - i brought it up on a longish car ride (great time for long, random discussions that we don't always have the luxury of time for). The boys were with us (they are 16 and 18 yrs old), so they had some interesting input and perspective also - i think it's fascinating to see how mature some of their ideas on things are, but with room for the color of actual life experience.
My husband had, coincidentally, read this NY Times article about the same thing. This one is longer, and not at all a defense of the mommy-bonus thing. It is, as stated explicitly in the article, a view of a very, very specific subset of SAHM's, a subset i wouldn't qualify for if i wanted to.
For background - i do work. I don't have nearly the income my husband does - my occupation is not a lucrative one, but has value for the people i serve. My husband insists that i work, for a number of reasons, including that value. We made and continue to re-evaluate the decision for me to work, and the specifics and implicationbs of what that entails, very carefully and intentionally.
For further information: i struggle with the stay at home vs. work outside the home as much as anyone. I think the 'mommy wars' is unbelievably destructive and also stupid. I do feel the censure and disapproval from many directions for my (our) choice, so this should not be construed as a criticism of stay-at-home-mothering!!! IT IS NOT.
There are so very many words in my head about this whole mommy bonus thing, and even more words about the NYT's article - the gender segregation, the pitting of one group against the other (husbands vs. wives) and the resultant power differential.... but, in the end, i have boiled it down to a completely self-evident and too obvious conclusion - --
--- the only way i can genuinely give him power over me is if each of us wholeheartedly believes we are equal to begin with.
I know - duh! But whether it's some tiny micro-culture that dictates the inequality, or religion, or a much larger society, or just that the guy you are with is a misogynist and you buy it also - i don't think that allows for a full exchange of power.