Monday, September 28, 2015
I've been thinking about why i only seem to post once every two weeks or so recently. It's not that our dynamic is in trouble and dying a slow death. Nor is it that we are blissfully happy and riding off into the sunset.
A lot of the usual things apply - we are busy, life is going a zillion miles an hour, far less time together alone....my mental and emotional energy are going elsewhere, by the time i sit down to write, my brain just shuts down.
I think the biggest thing is that we are discovering that we need to talk directly with each other more than ever. Life has been putting up challenges and knocking us both back on our heels. We are learning that the only way we can stay stable is by not hiding from each other - in different ways, but both of us are needing to open up even more. By the time i start to write, it's already been thought out and said.
It is harder for me to be all that he wants when i'm ovewhelmed and very much harder to accept his suggestions (orders) with any grace when i'm stressed, but i'm really trying. It's also harder for him to attend to all the details when he's overwhelmed and harder for him to not shut down when he's really stressed, but he is working at it also. And it is like it has always been, when we can make our dynamic work better, everything else flows better also.
We are still here. Still not getting everything perfectly right, each of us falling down sometimes. But also finding the sweet spot sometimes too.