Monday, October 12, 2009

(I wrote this to my husband, not to discourage comments or to be exclusive, but because it needed saying.)

As far as what we talked about, about your intervening in my life - where and when and how - basically - defining our entire relationship: you know I would love to spend days and weeks hashing it out, dissecting every detail, maybe draw some venn diagrams. So the fact that your answer, that things are where you want them right now, that we will adapt as we go, grow into it over time, etc, confounds me thoroughly. I have so many but's..., what if's..., shouldn't we's...???

So - I'm going to try to make the leap to hushing all that and try it your way (you would't believe the clamor in my head as I write that, or maybe you would). I'm certain you will remind me of this when (not if) I forget and start with the questions.

If I blog about the what if's, is that too backhanded??


  1. Everyone's journey into the 'trust space' is different. I don't think blogging about the whatif's is backhanded. Maybe it will help you work through your thoughts.

  2. Blogging the what if's will help you sort them out, so I say go for it.
    (Please omit the Venn diagrams, however. They give me headaches.)

    It's a leap of faith to move forward without discussion but it's not like it's immutable. Give it a try. You may find there aren't so many questions once you start.

  3. CD - blogging has indeed helped me work through my thoughts. In order to put them in writing i have to be able to express them, to express them I have to be able to identify exactly what I am thinking - not just as nebulous, swirling impressions or feelings. Also - It helps me see that some of my strongest feelings don't quite match the reality of the situation.

  4. JZ - what good is all that time spent helping kids with homework if I can't put it to good use. So - ok - how bout a good, old fashioned, flow chart?

    The factor that makes me most able to decide this way is that my husband is in fact a very careful planner. He doesn't love to talk things to death quite the way i do, but he is absolutely (I was going to say anal, but let's go with obsessive) about planning, thinking through, tracking, etc. I know this won't be a haphazard wandering in the wilderness. I also know that he isn't looking to play mind games with this and that we will make the decisions together, we just won't go about it quite "my way."

  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog and posting on lurkers day and I hope you keep coming back. I checked out your recent posts and it's very interesting how you and your husband are trying to find out what's best for both of you. Good luck. And I'll keep stopping by,


  6. FD, Thanks for visiting, and - likewise.

  7. It's Love Our Lurkers Day, and while I am not good at lurking and have this very naughty alter-ego sitting on my shoulder trying to email you all sorts of things to make you shake your finger at me :) wanted to stop by and say Hi!

  8. Greengirl - This is my first time here. I wanted to say hi since it's delurking day. I'll be sure to come back and read.

  9. CD - Great to see you in any case. Actually Jz beat you to the punch on emailing links to *ahem* undergarment vendors. But I'll entertain any information anyone wants to send.

    Ally - Welcome to you. I have been shamelessly lurking your site for a few months (as long as I've been searching for answers in any case). Thank you.