I feel like I'm walking on shifting sands. The way we used to interact is gone, but whatever it is morphing into is still morphing, it isn't solid or yet dependable. I'm not sure quite how to act, to respond, to react to things. I don't trust my instincts to just be and do.
Not that there is ever an ideal time for tectonic shifting of a relationship's foundation, but this is a time of confluence of several major stressors for each of us. We knew this would be coming, so we don't also have to deal with the element of the unexpected (knock on wood), but there is no way to avoid or minimize what each of us has to do, or to assist each other in any concrete way.
Many days I feel like we are handling this much better than we would have previously; we aren't as short with each other, we have more patience and forbearance. We are also more affectionate, it sounds silly, but previously I would have completely walled myself off for the duration which induces its own tensions.
Other days though, when circumstances conspire, I do feel adrift and this causes a sort of hyper, unfocused restlessness and a palpable knot in my chest. It colors how i perceive everything and how i act. I don't really expect there to come a time in my life that I move beyond this kind of emotion and self doubt entirely, but i do wonder which would serve me better right now - the tried and true, or the still unformed potential.