I also know, however, that these two are not really as mutually exclusive in reality as they are in my mind. My submitting to him in the actions of what we do in bed could only really go so far if I weren't also committed to truly being honest with him about my thoughts and feelings. Likewise, it would hit a ceiling if he didn't feel confident and right to ask, and to expect honest answers. It works the other way also, the closeness, the intimacy, the all around good feelings bleed over into the rest of our relationship and our lives as well.
I tend to write here mostly about our relationship; I think that this is where I have the most questions. Certainly this is where I have learned more about myself and about my husband, through the differences in how we relate to each other, and through the work it takes getting here. I imagine this is where we will both continue to grow, individually and together. But the sex is part of the journey as well - for us in any case. I have written before about my hesitancy to talk or write about sex in general. A lot of people do it very well, but among other things, I am afraid of sounding more juvenile or mechanical than being able to convey my real feelings about it. There have been some things though, about our sex life or about my thoughts and feelings, that I have started to want to write about, some rather silly and some I'm not really sure what to make of them. So I think there will occasionally be posts here that are a little bit of a departure for me, and pushing my comfort level as well.
For today, I will cop out just a little. This comes under the heading of "Duh!"
When we first started, I realized very quickly that I loved him being in control. His moving me, directing me, doing to me, was all sooooo much better than the other way. I had no desire to go back to 50/50, or me having veto power, or us sharing the decision making functions so to speak. In fact it distressed me a little to think about going back. I couldn't grasp how he could possibly be enjoying this arrangement, since, from my perspective, his role was no fun and would be a big turn-off for me.
I couldn't understand how he would want to always be the one doing the work, leading - what if he wanted to lie back and just relax, enjoy, not have to make plans, think about it, lead... ? I was very worried he would tire of carrying the load by himself and I really, really didn't want to go back. So I asked him - what if there is something you want me to do to you? "Well - then - I would just tell you to do it." -What if you don't want to have to think about it ? - what if you want to be surprised, just totally sit back and have me do the work? - "Then I would tell you to do that." ..............Oh?!?