Tuesday, July 20, 2010

three C words

I wrote previously about containment and control.  At the time I wrote this, the two ideas appealed to me a great deal - moreso than I was completely willing to admit. I'm still not sure i fully understand them though.The idea of control especially seems to mean a lot of things: turning over control of our household or most/all decisions about our lives; control of my actions/behaviors - as in - my obedience to his way; and the kind of control i fantasize about - being controlled physically, sexually, even to the level of his manipulating my feelings and emotions. Containment I think I may understand a bit, I'm not sure. It seems to have to do with reining in, calming down, self reflection, re-focusing in a more appropriate, more effective way.

Both of these still appeal to me, a great deal, more than ever before in fact. But, there is a third 'C' word that I think my husband finds more important. He challenges me. He pushes me to do my best, to be my best, at whatever I do. He encourages me to take on new challenges.  He expects me not to settle for half-way efforts, in my work, in my parenting, in taking care of myself.  He knows what I'm capable of and isn't interested in this dynamic being an excuse for me to stop thinking and acting and doing and pushing. He has taken advantage of the dynamic to hold me to expectations and even to raise them. 

It has taken me days to write just this simple post, mostly in ten minute increments before I crash into bed at night. There is so much going on and such a huge list of more to do and deadlines and worries and concerns right now that I can't seem to focus my mind on anything.

I dream of containment and control these days, literally. I can think of absolutely nothing more appealing than being made to stop, reflect, re-focus. Or having him step in and take over, tell me exactly what to do, allow me to not think and just do would be lovely also.

It makes sense that the times we are both very busy with less time to focus on us are the times that I want/crave more control and more (any) containment. I know that what i really want is more time, more focus on us, escape from the stressful tasks, more of him and less of the world.

But this is when it is most challenging. However you want to frame it - as the mother in a family, as a wife in a marriage, or as the submissive in a D/s dynamic- this is what is needed of me right now. It just can't all happen if I'm not contributing. So, for now, this is the way I serve.


  1. Seems to me that serving where it's most needed, as opposed to just when or where it's fun, is really more to the point, anyhow.
    (Just one woman's opinion...)

  2. I think being challanged to be your best is one of the most important things about this dynamic. I love the way you organized this, the "3 c's." Sort of simplifies something I try to make way too complex.

  3. I agree with Jz... sometimes what we want and need has to be set aside in order to take care of what needs to be done. This is difficult for anyone, but I think it's especially difficult for those of us in this lifestyle who are just starting to discover certain aspects of ourselves that we didn't see before. It makes it very difficult to turn your attention elsewhere, but we do it because it needs to be done.

    Hopefully you guys will be able to get settled in quickly once you move and you can both start really exploring your desires again and fulfill those needs and explore those other areas that are intriguing you.



  4. Jz,
    That should be so easy to keep in mind, but somehow escapes me and i need to remind myself.

    I'm too good at making simple things complex. This one my husband has drilled into my head.

    you've hit the nail on the head - but that's maybe a different post: i am anxious and impatient and chomping at the bit about all things ttwd when i should be focused elsewhere. i do fervently hope we can get settled quickly and back to exploring.