Thursday, July 29, 2010

from the island of misfit girls

I am one of those people who just never seems to fit in. As a little girl, I never had 'girly' interests. This made me ok with the boys - but not 'ok' in the way I really wanted to be ok with them come puberty. In high school, I excelled at subjects girls weren't supposed to, and I couldn't begin to manage the social intricacies that girls were supposed to be good at. The disconnect continued throughout college - although less so, and in my career (in a fairly male dominated world over the past few years).

I have come to really accept this about myself. It just is who I am, I can't do any other way, I know this from times spent trying to fit in 'the right way.' But I do have spells when it strikes me harder. And I've had one of those times recently.

The community in which we currently live is fairly small, conservative, and blue collar. By and large, women don't work and there is a strong sentiment that the mom should be home with the kids. I've tried staying home and, frankly, I suck at it. I was a failure at it, so, I work.

On the other hand, most of the people with whom I work are single - either never married or divorced. I want to be married, I very much want my life to balance out in such a way that I can succeed at work; but moreso, I want my marriage and family to succeed.

Ironically, even among the fairly conservative, traditional people in our community, I would still never be able to talk about the structure of my marriage. In many ways, it aligns more with their way of viewing things than not. Nonetheless, i can't discuss it openly.

In this world of blogs, where I can discuss this type of relationship openly, we seem to not quite fit in either. The structure we have has been decided ultimately by my husband. I brought him some strange feelings and yearnings, an awful lot of ideas, and plenty of feedback about what does what to me and for me. But in the end, there is only going to be what he wants. But the way we work doesn't fit nicely into any of the abbreviations out there, or line up to look like one model or another. It's working for us, and we are growing with it, but i'm sure plenty would look at it and decide it isn't recognizable and thus just doesn't fit.

The thing that struck me the most recently has to do with looks and appearances. Emphasis seems to be placed on these a lot in this realm, either through pictures or descriptions of the people involved, or talk about what is expected of a woman as far as her appearance goes.
My sister got the looks in the family; me, not so much. However, brains aren't emphasized or even discussed much hereabouts. Maybe it is just counter to the whole notion - as a sub or a slave - maybe thinking for oneself is not quite the point of it after all, so it doesn't get emphasized. I have to believe though that the people in this corner of blogdom, particluarly the female subs/slaves/wives, are really quite bright and have plenty going on in that department, especially given the variety of ideas and insight and writing. But intelligence (creativity, etc...) just isn't talked about. I often wonder what my husband has ever seen in me - visually i mean. But I am glad that he isn't one of the 'most men' referred to in the picture above.


  1. GG,

    I have been following your blog for a while and when I read this post I was like ... Wait a minute ... who cares if your dynamic fits what everyone else thinks it should. The thing that is important is that it works for you and the hubby. TTWD is exactly that something "we" in our one to one relationship with our significant other just do.

    Humbly His,

  2. Don't let the trappings of this world feeling less then you are.
    Leave the self doubt for the high schoolers and look at the positive parts of you and your life.

    Then pretty much just say screw it and realize you are exactly who you should be and if it doesn't fit a certain mold who cares.

    Hold your head up high, smile, laugh and enjoy life. Enjoy your new experiences and cherish the old ones.

    There is no perfect out there, only what is perfect you and your HOH. So do what pleases you both and enjoy doing it. Life's too short to try to please everyone!

    I hope you are feeling better about yourself soon,

  3. Dibs on the spot in the shade under the coconut tree!!! 'Cuz I'm right there with ya.

    The majority of men find my intelligence intimidating, I've always been treated like "one of the guys," on my very best hair day, I achieve only "cute," and what BG and I have is something I have yet to find echoed in any other blog out here.

    It does sting sometimes. Yet, like you, I refuse to lower myself to being anything less than myself. Rather, I wait for the unusual man who prefers brains and personality over girly looks. Like your husband, they're out there. They're just hidden among the masses of the mundane.

  4. but why should it have to 'fit' anywhere anyway? Nobody's business but yours and hubbies!

    however, i know what you mean - I never ever fit into a camp, I always seem to have half a foot in one camp and half a foot in the other.

    I'm intellegent, into scifi and such like, my mind works very logically (i put all the flatpack furniature together), but I like shoes, am not overweight (not my fault, honestly! just good genes and active tastes! but always feel like I have to apologise :() reasonably pretty.
    We homeschool, but we are semi structured - so we dont fit with the curcilum people or the unschoolers.
    We co/sleep but the kids stil have their own beds and bedtimes, we have organic toiletries but use disposable diapers, I use a sling to carry the baby a lot but also have a double buggy, oh, and a car.
    and so it goes on!

    So I do know what you mean.

    Oh, and some of the blogs that I read are written by subbmisive women who have high powered jobs!

  5. Please tell me where this island is, and why am I just now finding out about it?

    We don't really fit in any of the catagories either. Maybe we should just make up our own.

  6. There she is with that "we seem to not quite fit in" thing, again, which of course, she knows is not true.

    What you so often see and read are the extreme edges, or private thoughts. I would challenge you that the greatest majority of those you imagine with all the salacious zeal, would slip past your gaze in the grocery store.
    Not noticeable as the girl who writes that submissive wife blog. Just as you do.

  7. I often wonder the same thing... what does he see in me. I don't think I've got it in the looks department either, although he insists that I'm beautiful. I think some men find beauty in more than just outer shell.



  8. gg,

    Late to the party (as usual lately) and all the good comments have been made. I live in one of those traditional communities. Women aren't supposed to be too smart, too whatever. I don't fit that mold, yanno? I think I'm ok in the brain department, as long my blond moment don't get in my way.

    I've got a husband and Master who does (for nonreligious reasons) rule the roost. The reason I bring up religion, is because I know quite a few women in my area who are subservient to their husbands, but it's because they were raised that way and their religion dictates this. I don't know if they really believe.

    As for looks...Eh who cares about all that. When he looks at you a certain way...does your heart skip a beat? Does he ever look at you and just make you blush because you know exactly what he has in mind?

    I dunno I'm rambling...hushing now...


  9. Heaven,
    Thank you and welcome. You're right, I just need to be reminded of that sometimes.

    Some sleep and a little more order to my life are starting to work - I am starting to feel better. Thank you.

    I do often wonder how I got lucky enough to find him. He is genuinely good in a lot of ways. And he is really good for me.

    Sounds like me. I didn't mention the so many social and political ways I manage to straddle different camps. In saner moments I know that most people are truly more multi-dimensional than I was seeing.

    I like that idea. (I think it's near the island of misfit toys - from the Christmas special - we could go exploring someday to find out)

    My insecurities do rear their ugly heads every so often - hopefully less so over time.

    It's a good thing there are those men out there.

    Your're right about the last part - there are a few looks he has and uses - and that's definately one of them.