on the verge - or - wishful thinking

It seems to be a season or something - in my very limited corner of this world - blogs disappearing or taking breaks or bloggers at least contemplating such things.

I don't think it's just a case of catching what's going around - but i've had similar thoughts for a while now:  I'm boring, I'm bored, my life is all real life and no ttwd, we're here - where ever here is, the journey is over, nothing more to see, nothing more to learn, nothing more to write about...

The power, the control, the submission, and the kink seem to be fairly static these days.

They are there.  They fit and they work and they are comfortable.

But they are not new, exciting, challenging, thrilling...

So maybe i've confused an absence of angst, with ennui - funny that it has to feel hard to seem right.

Or maybe we're gathering strength for a growth spurt - like my teenagers do.

I have a lot of half baked thoughts started, but i can't seem to pin them down or make sense of them, and i really can't seem to see the big picture right now.

But you know the feeling you get when you know there's something you're getting set to figure out?  I've got that.

I started this blog with really very poorly defined goals - but the general idea was for me to have a way to let my husband know some of the things that were in my head that I couldn't just talk out with him.

He reads here - daily-  but only mentions anything to me if it really strikes him.

When i talked to him about feeling like i might want to end this, he asked me to reconsider.  He said he would like to continue to have this window into my head.

So i will continue; perhaps it will be of interest to no one but him, but hopefully it will help me sort out the ideas that seem to be lurking out of reach for right now.