Thursday, September 8, 2011

on the verge - or - wishful thinking

It seems to be a season or something - in my very limited corner of this world - blogs disappearing or taking breaks or bloggers at least contemplating such things.

I don't think it's just a case of catching what's going around - but i've had similar thoughts for a while now:  I'm boring, I'm bored, my life is all real life and no ttwd, we're here - where ever here is, the journey is over, nothing more to see, nothing more to learn, nothing more to write about...

The power, the control, the submission, and the kink seem to be fairly static these days.

They are there.  They fit and they work and they are comfortable.

But they are not new, exciting, challenging, thrilling...

So maybe i've confused an absence of angst, with ennui - funny that it has to feel hard to seem right.

Or maybe we're gathering strength for a growth spurt - like my teenagers do.

I have a lot of half baked thoughts started, but i can't seem to pin them down or make sense of them, and i really can't seem to see the big picture right now.

But you know the feeling you get when you know there's something you're getting set to figure out?  I've got that.

I started this blog with really very poorly defined goals - but the general idea was for me to have a way to let my husband know some of the things that were in my head that I couldn't just talk out with him.

He reads here - daily-  but only mentions anything to me if it really strikes him.

When i talked to him about feeling like i might want to end this, he asked me to reconsider.  He said he would like to continue to have this window into my head.

So i will continue; perhaps it will be of interest to no one but him, but hopefully it will help me sort out the ideas that seem to be lurking out of reach for right now.


  1. I've got quite a few ideas lurking a bit out of reach right now myself, so I understand.

    I'm glad you will continue. I always learn from you. Often you sort out my feelings as well when you post.

  2. Oh nooooo. I would be truly saddened if you left. Your thought processes so often help me with my own.

  3. I'd have to come drag you back by your hair if you left.

    Just sayin'...

    She Who Shall Return Soon...

  4. Serenity,
    That is very kind of you. Thank you. And good luck with your next few weeks.

    Poured Out,
    Thank you. I think we all benefit from each other.

    You better come back soon - Or I'll be grabbing your hair.

  5. dear greengirl...I am reading your blog regularly..please keep on writing, even if it's just few sentenses. I would be missing your posts if you left..Please don't. It's pleasure to read your blog. And do you know something funny? Sometimes I am learning new words with your help (as English is not my native..) I have to check the word up to know the meaning of the sentense. I am learning this way:)

    warm hugs to you, dear and please peek also into my blog from time to time. I placed your blog in my own, so I know when you write something new *winks*

  6. Vulnerable,
    Thank you for the compliment. It seems i will be around for awhile. i do visit your site - you find the loveliest pictures. In fact I share them with my husband - he likes them as well.

  7. oh, please pass my regards to your husband from me:) I am so happy he enjoys the pictures! It's great motivation to post them there



  8. Dear Gg,

    Noooooo! Don't stop, please!

    You know I love reading you ~ whatever's going on with you.


  9. Aisha,
    I appreciate that, thank you. I suppose there is and will be more to learn.