......just a lot of really curious idiots
So, here's my (apparently) stupid question.
It started with a simple observation - one which i've made more than a few times before and for which i eventually ended up - not punished - cuz we don't do that - let's say - convinced and reassured of his view on the matter in a very concrete way
The more access he has to my body - my tits in particular - the sooner he will get bored with them - right? There is a shelf life and the novelty will wear off and all that - yes? Ergo - access should be limited?
Well - the answer apparently is NO. To all of the above. And i am to remember that. So forget i mentioned it.
Fair enough.
But - what about all of me? Not my body - that was explicitly included under the above mentioned reassurance episode.
But - what about all of me?
If i am an open book, and there is no mystery, and i do my best to be as he wants, as complicated as that is...
When the limits have been pushed as far as reasonable and then some, and there is no more to push, no more challenge, and it is all just too easy....
When he knows me that well....
What then?????
This is something *I* wonder/worry about all the time. So much mainstream relationship advice we get is based on holding back, playing hard to get, keeping the mystery alive.
ReplyDeleteBut isn't that just fear? The idea that if our partners do know all of us, they'll be disappointed with what they find? The thing is, it's not like we are static beings. We all are constantly changing and growing. Together and individually. So there's always something new to discover.
I bet he will enjoy just "knowing you that well" over and over and over again. Besides, we women always maintain our mystery somehow. We are too complex to do otherwise.
ReplyDeleteWell, first off, I agree with Serenity.
ReplyDeleteBut also, think about this...
Think about how hard it is for you to let go and open up. Think about how long it's taken you to get where you are. Think about all the stuff YOU keep discovering that surprises you about you.
Now extrapolate.
And then estimate exactly when this "he knows every last bit of me there is to know and now I'm boring" stage will be arrived at.
We'll wait...
*grins*
I think JZ hit the nail on the head.
ReplyDeletehmmm... good question.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking today about how it seems like instead of tackling the big stuff that I don't like about me, that instead I've started small and uncovered big stuff. I thought about how frustrating it is that whenever I think I've gotten to a place that I feel comfortable and I know what is going on...then something else pops up. And then I realized that I will never be done, I will always be a work in progress. I think along the same lines, we are always changing, always. Life will never stay the same, we will never stay the same. So yeah, what Jz said. :)
Hmmm... I tend to believe that there is no end to what they can learn about us and the limits we can be pushed to. There's always more.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
turiya
Hi Greengirl.
ReplyDeleteThere are several points I'd like to offer.
First, I wanted to say that your question brought to mind as a response a quote I heard recently describing pen and ink drawing. It went something like "We limit things in order to be able to more completely explore the universe that is them". To me at least, getting to know every nuance of a sub is a milestone not a final destination. It's the end of phase one. Then you can move to phase to, which involves reacting to the new facets of her that will invariably develop.
I agree with the sentiments expressed that as an ever growing and evolving human responding to life as you move through it, you can't help but be a new and different adventure every day, so you shouldn't worry about that. However I would expect that once your hubby has a good grasp of the real you, he will then begin to reshape you in earnest. This interaction will change you in new ways, and the world continually evolves.
You should understand that clearly, because I've noticed you've changed your profile since I began reading you. In it you describe yourself like this...
"I'm no longer new to all this, no longer just discovering, but certainly always wondering, always learning"
So will he be, about you and about himself. The interactions between you, and your response to his development, will provide new avenues of interests.
of course there is a shelf life (was that an intended pun?)and the novelty will wear off. I think it will happen around the 1,000 year point or so.
ReplyDeleteAs for all of you, actually learning everything so it is "easy" will take much longer than that but lets say for arguments sake he is faster and gets it done in say a year.
All that has to happen at that point is HE changes what he wants of you and the game is a foot again. Relationships take two.
"not punished - cuz we don't do that - let's say - convinced and reassured of his view on the matter in a very concrete way"
ReplyDeleteThat made me chuckle. Sounds like you might be needing some more...reassurance?
I agree with Jz and Sir J. We're changing and growing as we speak. It doesn't have a chance to get boring. Sara
Anon,
ReplyDeleteYou're right of course - it is fear. And the more i open up, the more there is for him to see, and for me to fear.
Serenity,
I hope so. Thanks.
Jz,
Hmm - higher math - i dunno... But - see above - maybe i'm a bit afraid that the things i - and hence he - discovers - he won't like, or will find uninteresting.
Bronte,
As she most often does - yes.
Ally,
You're right - that is what happens - but - see above... And thanks.
Turiya,
Yea - that does seem to be what most people believe - i just have trouble seeing it sometimes.
MC,
You make it sound so lovely. Seriously, thank you for re-framing this in this way.
Sir J,
No - actually - i totally missed the pun. Guess I'm slipping. Like MC - this is a nicer way of looking at it. Thank you.
Sara,
Yes - this is one of the ways of reassuring me that we are discovering. I don't know why this reaches me when other things don't - but it does.