I would love, love, love to sit here all day navel gazing, and pondering, and coming to a whole new understanding of our lives together, and writing something profound that unlocks new ways of seeing things for me...blah, blah, blah. I could soooo go for another cup of coffee, curl up with a blanket and forget the rest of the world for the day.
Instead, i've already started and finished a number of things, have other things in process, and have a day full of work stuff, and home stuff, and a (f@*&ing long run) lined up on my to do list.
I tried to finish one of several posts i've been working on for awhile, and i can't - because he's in my head. And i can't drown out his voice long enough to hear my own. At least not my voice about blogging- because, as much as he does want me to write here, and he likes to read what i write, it's much lower down on his priority list, somewhere after my job, and our home, and the kids, and - oh yea - HIM. Go figure.
So the post about how we are or aren't really 24/7, and about how i am not sure i really feel submissive enough or in service enough, or dedicated enough to him over my own wishes, will have to wait - because in my head he is now tapping his foot and giving me the evil eye... Oh the irony!
:) not dedicated or submissive enough? Are you kidding, darling, you ahev HIM in your head, so how could it be possible you are not enough of any of those!
ReplyDeletegood luck with all things:)
warm hugs
It sounds like it may be at the 24/7 level!
ReplyDeleteUh huh, not dedicated, constant, or submissive. I'm sure that's why all you see is "the look" and all you're hearing is the foot tapping.
ReplyDeleteAnd all without him even standing there.
Na, no irony at all lol.
klaudia,
ReplyDeletethank you - that was the irony - i was feeling a little disconnected and then realized i couldn't really concentrate to write about it because i knew what he would want me to be doing.
Serenity,
and we have been for a good while now - i still wonder about myself, and about us, and then i wonder what it means that i wonder so much....
lil,
He's been there in my head a while now too - irony and joking aside, i suppose that does mean something.