I've been able to manage only bullet points for thoughts lately - somewhere in there are important things - i think..
Sex -it just does not cease to amaze me how much sex has come to mean - come to be part of our lives - our thoughts - our connection to each other, part of our language for each other. It's wound through everything else - not off separate or sequestered - and how ok that is. How i can feel and think about sex and him and it is really right and good. How he can use that for me or against me (which is really for me). How is it that this was not always the case?
Active submission - he would like that of me, in fact, he insists on it. I can and in fact need to just tell him how i feel. If i am unclear - or don't understand - i should ask. If i am feeling needy - i should tell him or at least show him - not wait - wait for him as the all knowing, magic guy-in-charge to just "know." i should cuddle up, sit at his feet, rub a bit, make some overtures, something... He's getting tired of me heading off a cliff over things he didn't know were brewing. And - yes - it still counts as submitting even if i initiate it - he'll let me know if he wants whatever it is or not.
I sometimes write things here that are probably quite uninteresting to most people. My intent in starting to blog a few yrs ago was to be able to express things to my husband that i couldn't quite manage face to face. I've gotten much better at telling him things outright, but i still find it very useful for hashing out ideas that i can't quite untangle in my head. And i've come to treasure the connections and feedback and perspectives from all of you the blog has allowed. Many of the posts my husband appreciates the most are the ones least interesting to anyone else. My previous post was one of those - not terribly interesting to anyone but him. But it led him to explain to me exactly why he won't play mind games as any part of our dynamic: he is *ALL* about honesty, transparency, and openness between us, first and foremost. I knew that - but hadn't made the connection. It took me - well - a very long time to wonder the question - he had his answer to it ages ago.