Wednesday, December 21, 2011

very submissive

The other day the stars (and our schedules) finally aligned and we had some time alone.

He used the things that work, that are triggers i guess, for me - ankles and wrists cuffed, neck collared, naked, waiting, but exposed.

He was in and out at first - working, but checking in and directing me.  He had me quiet and still, he directed me to focus on him, on being for him, on being the way he likes me.

He's never really done that before.

Previously, time spent waiting has been filled with a touch of anxiety, a lot of arousal, and on bad days - my mind wandering off who know's where.

This time was different, i was easily able to let my head fill with him.

I do love this man.  That's all i can tell you about what was in my head - i'm not sure it was any more specific than that - and that is very surprising for me.

Later i know he used me: he moved me and manipulated me and made me feel him.

And as we lay together afterwards he told me i had been very submissive, and that he really liked me that way.

That's new for him - it's huge in fact - it kinda shocked me.

He has always only talked around the idea of my being submissive - he would talk about my being respectful, sexual, peaceful, more focused, more connected... but all only pieces of the whole.

For a long time, he was uncomfortable with the idea, or maybe he would say - he was trying to understand the idea of submissive and how it applied to me - to us.

He has come to see - and actually - he has made it so that submissive for me doesn't negate or eliminate the traits he loves in me.

And i think he had come to peace in his head that submissive - for me - could be a good thing, not an un-doing of many of my strengths.  He definitely liked the changes in me and between us.  

Aisha described the essence of submission so nicely here.

I have felt this before, but somehow, not as clearly or as genuinely as this time.  Maybe his directions for focus were what i needed, maybe i needed to feel he wanted this from me, or at least accepted it.

The good feelings, the connection, the "glow" carried over for several days.  But more so than that - i think he saw the depth of my feelings and he saw that as good.  And I'm thrilled.


  1. So happy for you :)

  2. This really touched my heart. Yay for you both:)

  3. You sound so happy :). That's lovely.

    Take care. Sky

  4. This post needs an "awesome!" button.

  5. i'm so glad for you!!

    It makes me wonder about the process of growth that Dom's go through to become full-blown Dom's, if you know what i mean. Or what it's like to accept someone else's submission.

    But mostly i'm just happy for both of you.


  6. butterfly,
    thank you - it's a slow process for us - but i'm glad for that i think.

    that is sweet of you to say - thank you

    I am happy - not pollyanna, always high - but deep down - happy. Thanks

    that makes me smile - thanks

    yea - it makes me wonder too- then i have to stop myself because if i try to understand too hard - that becomes trying to influence in an overt way - the teacher in me - or the mom - which isn't useful or appropriate. But it is nice for me to be able to see him change - it allows me to let go that bit more.
    thank you.

  7. How wonderful for you BOTH! Sara