The other day the stars (and our schedules) finally aligned and we had some time alone.
He used the things that work, that are triggers i guess, for me - ankles and wrists cuffed, neck collared, naked, waiting, but exposed.
He was in and out at first - working, but checking in and directing me. He had me quiet and still, he directed me to focus on him, on being for him, on being the way he likes me.
He's never really done that before.
Previously, time spent waiting has been filled with a touch of anxiety, a lot of arousal, and on bad days - my mind wandering off who know's where.
This time was different, i was easily able to let my head fill with him.
I do love this man. That's all i can tell you about what was in my head - i'm not sure it was any more specific than that - and that is very surprising for me.
Later i know he used me: he moved me and manipulated me and made me feel him.
And as we lay together afterwards he told me i had been very submissive, and that he really liked me that way.
That's new for him - it's huge in fact - it kinda shocked me.
He has always only talked around the idea of my being submissive - he would talk about my being respectful, sexual, peaceful, more focused, more connected... but all only pieces of the whole.
For a long time, he was uncomfortable with the idea, or maybe he would say - he was trying to understand the idea of submissive and how it applied to me - to us.
He has come to see - and actually - he has made it so that submissive for me doesn't negate or eliminate the traits he loves in me.
And i think he had come to peace in his head that submissive - for me - could be a good thing, not an un-doing of many of my strengths. He definitely liked the changes in me and between us.
Aisha described the essence of submission so nicely here.
I have felt this before, but somehow, not as clearly or as genuinely as this time. Maybe his directions for focus were what i needed, maybe i needed to feel he wanted this from me, or at least accepted it.
The good feelings, the connection, the "glow" carried over for several days. But more so than that - i think he saw the depth of my feelings and he saw that as good. And I'm thrilled.