Wednesday, March 14, 2012

master me



Something i wrote to my husband recently:

There are relationships that revolve around the Dom constantly conquering the sub - every interaction is a test of wills - that's not me - not us.  The other end of that spectrum is a sub who does everything asked, nicely, sweetly, the first time, with a smile. Or better yet - can just predict what he wants and does it before even being asked. Sounds great - but for that she wouldn't need a Dom - i wouldn't need you.  
Because that is what i am looking for - not in a slave way - but looking for you to master me.

We've been working on stuff- and re-connecting.   

And i've been trying to explain what i feel like i need. 

Because all arguments about who is in charge, who decides, who gets to have needs and who shouldn't think that way -  all that aside - i do have some needs in this that, if not met, lead to me coming to a grinding halt on lots of levels (thanks mouse). 

I tried to list things - but most things really aren't needs once i really look at them.

And some things are - but they are there - have always been there, don't need to be considered because they are met just by virtue of who we are to each other.

What i come back to is containment, or control, or stopping the noise, or being made still, or focused, being made to feel submissive, to feel my submission....  They are all so very, very related for me.  

This is what i think it is to master me, what i need in all this.  

13 comments:

  1. somewhere in the middle, as if it needs to be in balance. Cool.

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    1. Things do always seem to come back around to that don't they?

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  2. gg,

    YES! Yes, the mental wheel just stops spinning, it can't help but to bleed over into other areas of your life.

    All those things you listed, containment, stopping the noise, being still...They all help to refocus the energy back where it should be...on submission...

    So very happy you told him all this.

    Hugs,
    mouse

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    1. mouse,
      Thank you. And thank you for helping me see a few things.

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  3. It is wonderful that you told him these things. I really like the way you explained it as well.

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    1. Thanks. It's still not exactly specific, still more to learn about how this will work for each of us.

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  4. You have inspired me. Inspired me to sit down and e-mail Aeon and let him know what is in my head. Thank you for that.

    ~AA~

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    1. Your welcome. Sometimes (a lot) i can't seem to really say anything well in person, so writing helps.

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  5. My Husband is not a blog reader, but occasionally I will show him a post if someone has written my feelings out just perfectly. This is one of those post. Thanks!

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    1. What a nice thing to say - thank you.

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  6. I can relate to what you wrote so well. I will add my own feelings too, b/c in his focus on mastering me - he is focused *on* me and learning what I need, and that makes me happy and calm. What surprises me, is that this makes him happy and calm too.

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    1. That learning curve is a steep one - if i'm only just seeing things about myself - how much harder for him... but - a happy, calm wife/mom does make for a happier, calmer husband/house for sure.

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