master me

Something i wrote to my husband recently:

There are relationships that revolve around the Dom constantly conquering the sub - every interaction is a test of wills - that's not me - not us.  The other end of that spectrum is a sub who does everything asked, nicely, sweetly, the first time, with a smile. Or better yet - can just predict what he wants and does it before even being asked. Sounds great - but for that she wouldn't need a Dom - i wouldn't need you.  

Because that is what i am looking for - not in a slave way - but looking for you to master me.

We've been working on stuff- and re-connecting.   

And i've been trying to explain what i feel like i need. 

Because all arguments about who is in charge, who decides, who gets to have needs and who shouldn't think that way -  all that aside - i do have some needs in this that, if not met, lead to me coming to a grinding halt on lots of levels (thanks mouse). 

I tried to list things - but most things really aren't needs once i really look at them.

And some things are - but they are there - have always been there, don't need to be considered because they are met just by virtue of who we are to each other.

What i come back to is containment, or control, or stopping the noise, or being made still, or focused, being made to feel submissive, to feel my submission....  They are all so very, very related for me.  

This is what i think it is to master me, what i need in all this.