I like to think i'm not vain about my appearance. I like to think of myself as so very *not* high maintenance. Mostly though - that's a defense i've developed over years of believing that there really just wasn't any point to that kind of vanity for me. Looks were not my gift when the gifts were being doled out. There isn't much that can be done about it - so why fight it.
My husband is either a very unique man or a very, very good liar. He insists he thinks i'm beautiful, he says he doesn't want high maintenance, he thinks i'm wrong about myself. I stopped arguing, we maybe agree to disagree. I believe he sees what he says, i just don't see it.
Yesterday that came crashing in on itself.
I have a small something on my lip - no one know's what it is - so it has to come off. And it will leave a scar. My skin scars, badly. And for some reason, this has me completely crushed. I am upset all out of proportion and can't even talk about it with him. He's at a loss and has no idea what to say.
I have plenty of other blemishes and imperfections: my skin is hardly milky or porcelain. If it were going to be a flaw on something flawless - I would understand being upset. As it is, it will just fit right in. I know damn well that this is s stupid thing to be upset about at all. My health isn't threatened and it's really a very small thing.
I don't understand my response to this and i don't really care for it - it does make me feel vain and i really thought i could do without that.