Friday, April 27, 2012

Who knew?!?

The past couple months have been a struggle for me.  Growing pains i guess, or learning pains, or - "i'm dense and don't catch on very quickly" pains.  

To sum up: 
   my husband has no intention of forcing me into anything
   he will wait for me to come to him, his way
   this sometimes makes me feel as if he is uninterested, un-invested, lazy, or just 
      doesn't care
    once i get over myself and come to him.......
    once i submit...........
    everything is better - we both feel better, work better, relate better, have 
        fun better, D and s better

But -  as much as i often wish it could be true, my whole life isn't just Him and me, naked and exploring the D and the s (and the B, and the other D and other S, and the M, mmm hmmmm.....)

In my overall existence - the past 4 days have seemed about 3 weeks long.  And it looks like that temporal distortion will continue awhile.
So the fact that things are more stable and flowing with us - is a very, very good thing.  

For one thing, it allows me to turn my focus to other things - like life and work and kids and plans and work.  Not that i don't function all the time, but i function better on those other fronts when i'm not pre-occupied or discouraged or worried about us.  Which is as it should be.  It is part of the point of the whole thing.  He wants me to do better than just function in all the aspects of my life, our life.  And he wants to be part of making that be so.  

But -  the good,flowing, balanced times always mean less blogging:  1 - i have less to write about - i have no great angst or worries or concerns - so i don't feel a buring need to process out loud, or ask for help; 2 - my life isn't exciting enough for the flat parts to be worth writing about; and 3 - that damn temporal distortion thing leaves so little actual time. 
And speaking of time running out....


  1. Yes, it always seems to come easier once we submit. it is the actually submitting part that I sometimes struggle with. I am always happier and more peaceful once that happens. I too find I blog less when functioning at my best.

    1. It does make me wonder why i can't remember this when i balk. thanks.

  2. Glad to see things have circled back around. Isn't it lovely when that happens? Because the time up to it just seems take ages (for me anyways)...

    1. thank you lil - it does seem to take far too long. Hopefully some lesson will stick with me at least.

  3. GG,

    O said once on someone's blog that it's far sexier for a woman to come to the Dom on her knees (Or whatever) begging for containment or whatever than it is to just tell her to do it.

    It's far harder on us, who just want to be told. But when that moment happens...when we do come to them it's suddenly better...we've caught up for a while...

    Until they start slowly moving further up the mountain...


    1. mouse,
      I had considered it from his POV - but not the sexy part. Hopefully we can rest here a bit before we do it all over again.

  4. oh I have been away such long time..your husband sounds more comfortable in his role..i will be sure to try and get back mre often

    1. It sounds like you are having adventures of your own - i hope they go well for you.

  5. GG: I understand him wanting you to come to him and ask. I simply can't get past the fact that the element of surprise is what I find so heady. It doesn't happen often. It happens randomly. But, when it does it is such a rush and it is what makes me feel that life is special and exciting.

    I can't exactly pinpoint why sometimes I don't blog much and sometimes I blog a lot. I think I might blog a lot at this time because my head is racing with thoughts and ideas and I simply can't not write.

    I'm very pleased to read that things are going well right now.

    Kind regards.

    1. vesta,
      thank you. The funny thing has been that the more i come to him the way he wants me to, the more he does surprise me. It is as if, now that he isn't fighting me for his Dominance, he is free to be and explore and do. It is funny how we all seem to have cycles of furious mental activity then time to rest.

  6. Hoo, boy, yes--I understand about the life-sucking-time-away-from-blogging thing! It's amazing how hard it can be to find available hours!

    And I agree with Omega that having one's partner come asking on their knees is much sexier than simply complying with a requirement (though that's sexy in it's own way)...

    1. Jake,
      I think sometimes it's less exhausting for him too. Of course - that's a good thing also. Thanks.