It has been a rewarding and also very difficult trip.
And there is one doozy of a transition coming up. Transitions are a bitch (or I'm a bitch about transitioning - depending on your perspective I suppose.)
I have been in charge of and responsible for the group and for the work. There have been an awful lot of challenges. I've been very much "on" the entire time: leading, making the decisions, managing, mentoring...
But i'm very far away and I've had very limited contact with my husband, some IM chats and some emails. I am thankful to have been able to have that contact. But the juxtaposition of what I am and what I am doing here with my place with him has been stark and tough to keep sorted out properly in my head.
He wants this for me, and that makes it possible. He wants me to push myself, to expand, to be very good at what i do. He wants me to be that woman. It helps with reconciling it all in my head to remember that.
The longer I have been away, and the more demanding the job here, the more intensely I crave his control. He has provided some of that from afar, and I am very grateful for that. But I am longing for him, I long to be offering myself to him, I long to have him claim me back.
I need to have both of these roles in my life. I am both of these people. Both of these women are His. But right now, i am looking so forward to shifting back to the one that is kneeling for him.