Monday, February 18, 2013

He likes it

What i learned about Him and about myself with His New Year's Resolution - he likes things just because he likes them.

and this has been a really important thing for me to know

It came out in a conversation with a friend about how i feel about being caned, or more to the point, how i feel when i'm caned.

ME: caning hurts - not a spread out absorbable pain
  it is a touch fearful
  makes me angry at first
  then i break down
                       and crying seems to be the thing i can do to cope

FRIEND:  and after?
 ME: if it was enough - depleted and cleansed
  if it wasn't enough - maybe still angry or edgy
 FRIEND: can he tell?
 me: yes
  sometimes he asks if i want more - to keep going
 FRIEND: and he leaves you with not enough?
 me: sometimes
 it is a funny thing - like edging towards an orgasm but being denied
 it leaves me still submissive feeling - maybe accepting that this is for him not me that has been a bigger component of all this that hadn't been present before
  maybe i'm not explaining well
 FRIEND: I think you are explaining it very well
 me: if i came to him very out of sorts and asked for it
  he would and does take me all the wayme crawling into his arms wiped out and depleted is - good, crucial, important for him

But it turns out that his willingness, actually - his desire - to do what and how he wants instead of taking me where i want or need to go -  was a subtle but fundamental shift in things for us, for me anyhow. Often he likes what i like and we both end up leaving the interaction/experience happy.  I need sometimes to feel that i am being used for his desires alone and that there is some work or some cost to me to provide that for him.



  1. I get it. What an awesome step forward. It seems to me you are saying you don't have to wonder if he is just going along with all of this to make you happy. How cool! I still do that to myself periodically, and he just shakes his head, and puts my hand on his cock.

  2. Saoirse,
    That made me smile, he does the same thing, when i wonder, he moves my hand or says to look and tell him if i think he likes it. This is related to that, but it reinforces that submissive feeling in me for him to be a little disengaged, focused on himself only (at least in appearances), and for me to end up where ever i end up with things because it wasn't about me in the first place. It's yet another paradox/bassackwards thing about it all.